Friday, February 28, 2014

Thus Spake Zarathustra

They say that if God didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him. They also say God is dead.

Personally I don't think God exists. I hope God exists; I pray God exists. But I know it's a convenient fiction I keep faith with because living in a world without even the ridiculous possibility of a higher good is just... well, sad.

So here I sit, and type, and chew on my thoughts as an old leatherneck does tobacco.

For me, the compelling argument is the existence of evil. If an all-powerful, omnipotent, omnipresent, God exists, then how does he allow evil to exist? Surely such a deity could prevent the existence of evil, of suffering, of tragedy, while not subverting free will? Right? Or perhaps my questions are limited by mere human notions of these things... Still, the issues gnaws at me, begging question after question.

And, of course, there's also the problem of believing in a God who, purportedly said and did so many horrible things in the Official Textbooks of Dogma promulgated by the main three monotheistic religions. And, of course, there's also Gods many devotees, who seem to pervert their religion as much as they profess righteous zealotry. But idiots come in every collection, especially among the masses' chosen opiate.

I also decry the idea of Hell. Though I'd be more than happy to throw evil men, such as Hitler, Stalin, Pinochet, etc., into such a place... Its existence is wholly at odds with a benevolent, compassionate God. And if God cannot love even Hitler, then is he God?

Also, the conception of God as male, even by default, is uncomfortable to me. She could be it or they and even, perhaps, shme.

Now, lest you think me radically psychopathic (assuming you've Googled my various references), let me assure you I don't subscribe to Nietzsche's √úbermensch. For me, Randian notions of selfishness hold little appeal. I support a community-oriented coexistence, even as I personally indulge in solitude as the ultimate center of myself. Aside from a few close family and friends who merely lurk upon the periphery.

It's actually quite a contradiction of mine. Wanting closeness and wanting distance, both so desperately immediately and possessing neither ever. Go figure.

But back to my point... which I realize isn't really a point. More a feeling. A general expression of a sentiment I can best describe as, "hmm."

I wish there was a God, and I hope there is a heaven. I don't necessarily fear death. What I fear is nonexistence. I fear the endless black where even my own thoughts no longer exist. I fear not even being able to think, let alone know, see, do, love, or speak. Or write. It's a sad, cruel, depressing world for this single shot to be the first, last, only, and never again shot.

But, then again, I guess it's that preciousness that makes everything so damn beautiful.

0 footnotes: