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Sunday, December 29, 2013

Things That Were Cool But Weren't Are Now Cool But Aren't


Or, in other words: I used to enjoy bicycles, old-timey Swing music, Hanna-Barbera cartoons, fish tacos, slim-fit jeans, and a bunch of other dearly eclectic cultural whatever that, back during those oh-so-not Elysian high school years was definitively "Not Cool Bro."

But now? A mustachioed hipster gets them tattooed to their chesticles for the delight of a faux-mustachioed hipsterette who thinks eccentric is cool now. It's like watching Freaks & Geeks season 2: All Growned Up. Where John Francis Dailey's character is basically suicidal because James Franco tweets that he plays D&D (but can't tell us his character name or level), which magically grants him an orgy with Linda Cardellini and the entire model list of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition 2012.

I wonder if the irony of liking something when it wasn't cool and not so much when it is feels more like a kick in the balls or more like a shot in the dark.

That said, I don't actually care because I'm getting married in approximately 3 months. The rat-race for random mating has kinda lost its charm in the view of regularly awesome sex with the woman I love. And also because, to be honest, once you reach the other side of 25 you realize that having a bunch of one-night stands is gross, lonely, and too much work for too little... everything.

Seriously, seeing these PUA mothatruckas hype their own rampant STD-filled escapades like 16 year-old tube-sock-jockies and telling you to go pick-up women I wouldn't even bang on a dare when I was single is basically the most pathetically depressing feeling I've ever had for someone second-hand.

Meanwhile, single women have just gotten so predictable. Maybe just the younger ones. I've seen those moves before. They didn't work when I was 21; they certainly won't now that I'm 27 and in a committed relationship. But they try so hard! I either gotta laugh or shake my head. Probably both -- at the same time.

And, ultimately, when I look back on the people I used to interact with so often, both IRL and in cyberspace, I really do feel so idiotic for spending my time and energy on them. Whether it was evil ex-roomies or random e-racists, I wasted a lot of hours on things that just don't really matter. But maybe that's the perspective I've gotten from advocating for disabled people in every shit-kicker town from here to Kansas City and in between.

Still, there is joy in the simple things: sleep, good cheap food, and a long night of Netflix. I am constantly surprised at how much I enjoy the activities other people take for boring. I wonder if that means naps will become the next cool-dude-bro activity to do of 2014! One can only imagine...

I guess what I'm trying to say is... I WAS UNCOOL BEFORE BEING UNCOOL WAS COOL!


Goddamnit Ariel.

Just... nevermind.

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