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Saturday, May 18, 2013

What're Ya Talking 'Bout?


You're talking to me about what's wrong with this country? Talking about how it's all gone to hell, everything gone to shit. You're talking about how you hate your job, hate your wife, hate your kids, hate the goddamn television because it just pisses you off, doesn't show you anything you like. And, to top it all off... you've turned into a fat ass prick who yells in traffic, trying not to die of a heart attack on the I-580 East towards Holy Shit I'm Fifty and Bald.

No, I'll tell you what's wrong with this country:


The greedy sumbitches wrecked the economy in '08 and got away with it because everyone was too busy running around screaming, "holy shit!" to bother prosecuting a damned suit and tie for their part in swindling our grandmas and young cousins with houses they couldn't afford but were told they could if they just leveraged that credit (and maybe a kidney) because trust me the housing market was gonna explode and who wants to miss out on all that profit/commission?

Meanwhile, we're 5 years down the road and the rich keep getting tax breaks, incentives, grants, straight handouts, bailouts, and golden-fucking-parachutes. But all CNN can do is scratch their head and wonder why the deficit is growing astronomically. Can't have anything to do with all those tax free corporate profits being stashed away in overseas bank accounts, can it?

Then you've got the middle to lower classes, who are now disproportionately paying for the running of the country, but they can't even afford health insurance or a fucking Wal-Mart toaster assembled for 15 cents a day by Chinese sweat shop labor. And, of course, the Chinese are loving it because they get to beat capitalism at its own game without ever becoming a democracy.

Side-note: you know why people want to get rich these days? It's not because they want yachts, or vajazzled Apple products. No, it's because being anything less than rich in this country is a sign you're going to work every day until you qualify for Social Security. Then the bastards will pry that shit from your cold, wrinkled fingers.

People want to get rich so they can move into a lower tax bracket. I pay more of my income in taxes than the entire Republican caucus, who coincidentally don't mind government funded healthcare for their jobs but not for mine.

And at the same time, since we're all trying to keep the goddamn economy from sliding off the continental shelf, we've doubled down on raping the environment so that the fish at the market glow in the dark and you gotta wear a Hazmat suit to the park. But fuck it: let's pretend we never read that book by Dr. Seuss and just keep cutting down trees, keep sucking every last drop of black oil outta the ground like a fucking junkie for a fix. It's not like gas is already too expensive, right? Oh wait...

So now we're poor, pissed off, and can't take our kids to the park. So instead we stay at home and watch reality TV or, fuck, the news. When we do go out, all we do is say bigoted shit to each other because we're so damn ignorant we actually forget that The Hunger Games and The Office are both ripoffs. Shoot, we even forget that the police kill unarmed Black people daily. Why? Fuck you, that's why.

But since we're scared too, sometimes people find creative ways to explain why everything sucks. It's either due to evil liberals, evil People of Color, evil immigrants, evil gay people, or evil People Who Aren't Christian. The shit-show plays on Fox News 24-7 and so many people watch our country has actually gotten collectively DUMBER. So much that Europe would laugh it's ass off if it weren't reeling from an economic collapse due to our own country's aforementioned theft of the poor to give to the rich.

Oh I digress... This is only semi-coherent anyways. I just felt like ranting. But seriously: about the only thing holding the planet together at this point is a Macgyver-esque combination of rubber bands and a Willey Coyote cliff-dive.

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