Friday, November 4, 2011

Lamestar: The Alpha Male

Tyler Durden... Domestic Terrorist. Neo-Luddite. Figment of Jack's Imagination. Alpha Male.

Much has been written about the supposed greatness of Alpha Males, and while modern psychobabble in pop-culture seems to indicate that stereotypically "hot" women only go for "alpha men" -- AKA douchebags -- and that Alpha Males are the ones who make all the money, get all the success, and generally rule over the Betas, Omegas, and other peons of humanity, but the reality is far less glorious. Alpha Males are really just insecure assholes.

Don't believe me? Keep reading.

Let's start with some qualities of an Alpha Male.

1. Dominant.

Basically the guy who acts like he's in charge of everyone, and tells them what to do. This is the dude who gets pissed when you decide you'd rather go to the beach than the frat-house for another keg-stand. This is the dude who has high-blood pressure from freaking out that nobody gives a shit about his authority or that he couldn't find a tighter T-shirt to grace his 'roid rage pex.

2. Intolerant.

Unless you willingly submit to this guy's worldview on politics, religion, and other miscellany, then he'll bully you until you do. This guy is not okay with people who are different from what he expects them to be. This often manifests into racism, sexism, homophobia, and other forms of prejudice. Also, he is completely ignorant of this.

3. Insecure.

Constantly seeks to prove himself in relation to others via acts of dominance and intolerance. The point is to disguise serious character flaws through hubris. He'll typically do this by projecting onto others, and ridiculing them, mocking them, and demonizing them for traits he himself possesses, or for issues he cannot himself deal with. This insecurity is usually due to lack of actual confidence, but possession of immense quantities of fakeness known often as douchebaggery.

Other traits: Asshole, Victim-Blamer, Bigot, Creep, Pervert, Cat-Caller, and Ignorance.

Alpha Males are also every superhero you ever hated.

Alpha Males promulgate the myth of their greatness by oppressing others through structural systems and microaggressions. It is ironic that so much effort is spent to "sell" the general public on Alpha Male's value when typical Alpha Males are supposed to be indifferent. (Charlie Sheen is a prime example. Not only is he ridiculous to the point of collective embarrassment and mockery, but his rants reveal a person desperately in need to justify himself without appearing to do so.)

In my experience, Alpha Males are also incapable of being respectful of the needs or space of others. They tend towards controlling, taking over in various situations that don't call for it -- whether that be at home with their roommates, at work with fellow employees, or even in basic social interactions at bars, clubs, etc. Alpha Males must prove their awesomeness before, after, and during any time that any other person may be sharing parts of their life. This is because Alpha Males need validation in the form of worship to justify their many efforts at pretending to be cool.

The Alpha Male does not understand the meaning of words like, "compassion", "thoughtful", or "assertive". They prefer indifference, aggression, or disgust. Alpha Males are typically incapable of forming meaningful connections with others because they constantly seek to compete, especially against their peers -- even when their peers are apathetic to such childish hierarchy!

Finally, Alpha Males represent regressive instincts in humans. They are the throwbacks to ancestral points in our history, particularly in pre-history (anytime before the invention of writing, when humans were essentially on the same food-chain level as most animals). It is important to note that despite sociobiological attempts to portray Alpha Males positively in human evolution, the reality is that Alpha Males, by their very nature are incapable of working with groups, and thus their survival rate -- and reproduction rates -- are astonishingly low. Which is why so few people are, or want to be, Alpha Males once properly educated on the matter. Alpha Males are assholes.

A classic example of an Alpha Male would be Roissy, from Citizen Renegade (now Chateau Heartiste). Roissy is a self-proclaimed Pick-Up Artist (despite being shunned by the greater PUA community for his stances on various issues) who advocates tactics for seducing women, notably through domestic violence, sexual harassment, stalking, abuse, "negging" (a form of insult), and manipulation. Curiously though, Roissy utilizes his PUA commentary to promote an Alt-Right agenda based on scientific racism, cultural Darwinism, neo-liberal economics, and hegemonic oppression. His targets include minorities, women, LGBTQ, non-Christian religions, unions, and anyone else he might've forgotten. Obviously this means he hates over 75% of the country, leaving him a very small group of White straight men who may or may not be religious in the Christian faith.

At this point it begins to seem like his blog is less of a place to learn seduction tactics, and more of a place to promote a White Supremacist agenda that includes sexism, homophobia, and fascism.

But I digress... Alpha Males come in all shapes & sizes, not merely the AWM variety. See texts like Hot Chicks with Douchebags, and Chad Klutgen's amazing novel The Average American Male (which isn't really all that average of a representation, but is definitely hilarious).

I would also recommend reading Tucker Max.

While he as a person is morally repugnant, and probably mostly fictionalized, he as a writer is pretty damn hilarious. In that watching a car-wreck in slow motion kind of a way. His stories provide numerous educational opportunities with examples to Alpha Males, douchebags, and other socio-cultural zeitgeist.

As for me, currently I am living with an Alpha Male, my housemate, who, among other things, considers himself a "real guy, a guy's guy" despite secretly enjoying wearing women's panties while having sex, has experimented with anal sex with men, enjoys dressing in extremely gratuitous Buddhist robes to give yoga sermons on the floor, and shaving off most of the hair on his body. Hardly the stereotypical picture of masculinity insecure dudes like to indulge in.

He is nearly 40 years old, whose midlife crisis has extended to buying two Easy-Rider motorcycle lookalikes, talking about how much he loves shooting guns (despite having only gone shooting once), growing Black Mold in the house, threatening to murder the neighbor's dogs, and saying really creepy shit like when Osama bin Laden was killed when he remarked that after the celebrations he hopes our country gets attacked/our troops get attacked. He's also been fired from his previous teaching position for allegedly calling one of his students a racial slur.

This guy also manipulated his girlfriend into having an abortion after he'd cheated on her. Currently they both live here together, but keep separate rooms for seemingly unfathomable reasons... I guess paying double-the-rent is worth the cost of being an uber-manipulative boyfriend? He often tends towards calling her a bitch, a slut, a cunt, and other names, yet protesting they are in jest -- even when they're arguing!

But the creepiest thing about him? His head is completely bald, shiny, and reminds me of a cross between Jean Luc Picard and This Guy:

 It's like the Triforce is hidden right in the middle of his forehead!

Thank the baby Geebus I'll be moving soon.

Anyhoo, hope ya'll enjoyed this foray into the breach of social commentary!


16 footnotes:

Franklin said...

There was actually a really funny video I saw on Youtube a few months ago, where someone royally ripped into that self proclaimed "Slayer of Vaginas" (a.k.a. Roissy), and his entire Douchebag Movement.

Also, the qualities of the so-called "Alpha Males" who make up the PUA remind me of those who make up another movement. One that I can't quite put my finger on...

(Ok, I'm being dishonest. I can, but I want to see if anyone else can too.)

Franklin said...

Upon finishing this blog entry, I noticed that you "indeed" pinpointed, what I was hinting at.

Eurasian Sensation said...

Funny, I just happened to be reading stuff on Yahoo Answers and came across this entry which is quite telling:

How do I increase my sexual durability ?
My new boyfriend likes sex a lot, so do I but he is quite feirce and rough (alpha male type) even though we use lube, after a few days I end up getting too tender to have any more sex. Will I become more durable over time? Is there anything I can do to increase my durability or anything we can do when we have sex (other than to be more gentle) to prevent injury??

Weird how this girl has just accepted that the guy is going to be rough and cause her pain, but would rather change herself than him.

Student of the World said...

I thought my roommate was annoying :(

This entire post made me laugh my ass off though.

Zek J. Evets said...


Hmm, interesting video. Thanks for linking it! I think PUA/Alpha Males hint at scientific racism, HBD, and other oppression/prejudice-based movements.


Damn, what the hell is wrong with that girl??? Such is the insanity of some people when confronted with assholes that they'd rather there was something wrong with them than the asshole.


Oh trust me, I've got plenty of horror stories.

Mira said...

Funny thing you put Tyler Durden on the "cover" of this post. I always thought Tyler was more of an anarchist, plain and simple, and not your average Alpha Male.

Anyway, the appeal of so-called alpha males is that many women are hunters, too, and they want to hunt and tame a guy who seems unapproachable, irresponsible and horrible in all the aspects except for sex.

After they start a relationship (in lack of a better word) with an "alpha male", they soon realize (or not) that he's just an insecure human being who can't deal with the fact he's average just like the rest of us, only without many qualities that make a compassionate, decent human being. Plus, they often prove to be a huge disappointment in bed, because they think all they need is to be there to satisfy a woman, and/or because they only think about their own pleasure. That;s not what makes a good lover.

PS- "... despite secretly enjoying wearing women's panties while having sex"

Is that anatomically possible?

But now, remember Brando. He was an epitome of an alpha male and he was, for all we know, bi.

Zek J. Evets said...


You'd be surprised how much reactionary idiots in America act like anarchists. Case in point: the Tea Party.

Is that anatomically possible?

As I understand it he just pulls them to the side, like a woman might during sex.

But now, remember Brando. He was an epitome of an alpha male and he was, for all we know, bi.

Oh don't get me started on the homoerotic underpinnings of American masculinity! Seriously. We'd be here all day discussing Greco-Roman culture and it's regurgitation into Americana conceptions of male-bonding, etc.

Mira said...

I'm ok with anarchism, but only in a way that I don't think any political system - including anarchism - is a good one. So I guess I'm nonarchist?

As for homoerotic underpinnings of masculinity, nothing wrong with that. I mean, I like to see a nice man on man action (did I just type that aloud?), but the problem here is not this, but homophobia among the so called "alpha males".

And it doesn't stop at homophobia. Seriously, I do think certain shit (homophobia, racism and other similar stuff) go together. Of course, put misogyny into it and you get - that's right! - a PUA, aka "alpha male".

Speaking of which, I mentioned this elsewhere, but I do find PUAs quite pathetic because they obsess over women too much. But that's a story for itself.

Zek J. Evets said...


Anarchy is an unsustainable system, simply because it is the rejection of a system and as such destroys itself even as it is created.

But in America, most anarchists just want to destroy the status quo and put their own (usually bad) idea of how things should exist in place.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with homoeroticism in conceptions of masculinity. It would probably be good for men to recognize the complexities of their sexuality, and hopefully help them to be more accepting of homosexuality as a valid form of identity that deserves equal rights.

But my problem is that this homoeroticism functions as a part of a oppressive form of masculinity, tied with a greater hegemony/structural oppression that practices homophobia even while engaging in acts that could be called homosexual.

Alpha males are fine slapping each other's asses, jocks are fine wearing extremely tight clothes with prominent codpieces, but when lesbian women walk down the street holding hands, or gay men dress in tight jeans, suddenly they get uncomfortable and bigoted. It disgusts me.

aspergum said...

Good post, but the irony of this post's condemnation of alpha males is really rich, considering how much you acted like one during your flameout at Abagond's blog.

Zek J. Evets said...


Umm... where did I ever profess to be an "alpha male"? Because that's one of the defining characteristics, if you read the post as you implied.

Seriously. I'm genuinely curious as to what universe's asshole you pulled that observation from, because honestly it seems like you just said it to be a douchebag.

Which, by the way, you have succeeded at!

But thanks for the compliments on my post.

aspergum said...

What? I didn't say you never professed to be one. I said your post condemns alpha males, even though you (ironically) acted like one at Abagond's blog.

A person can act like an alpha male without professing to BE one, and also without actually being one, no matter what your particular list of defining characteristics says on the matter. Furthermore, I don't actually think you are an alpha male; again, that doesn't mean that you can't ever ACT like one sometimes. And after all, back on that other blog, you did.

I did read this post, btw. It's quite amusing.

Zek J. Evets said...


Ohh, I see. You're making the suggestion that I act(ed) like an "alpha male" in a lame attempt at insulting me.

Well... thanks for the opinion, I guess.

aspergum said...

Insult you? No, I'm just pointing out an irony in the behavior of your online persona, in the hopes that you'll see it, and that you'll continue the introspection you announced in an earlier post you'd be doing after the Abagond episode, and then all the more from that process about yourself and how you interact with others.

Maybe you are a bit of an alpha male after all, at least as I see them--unwilling, that is, to actively demonstrate the self-reflection that they occasionally claim they regularly perform.

Zek J. Evets said...


I'm sorry but some random dude on the internet is not going to inspire self-reflection. You don't even know me. More importantly, you've demonstrated racism, ignorance, passive-aggressiveness, and a creepy commitment to commenting here to give props towards my writing while simultaneously being a dick...

So yeah. Why would I take your advice or opinions seriously? You clearly hold a biased preconception of me based on your earlier wrong-headedness that causes you to continually try insulting me, "ironically" (apparently).

But sorry dude. I'm really not who you want me to be -- nor are you acting like the person you think you are.

aspergum said...

Being a dick? Racism?!

Anyway, okay, if you want to make it all about me instead of about what I say, fine, do go right ahead and keep up the fallacious effort of surmising who "some random dude" on the Internet is, based on a few lines of commentary. I'm sure that does make it easier to ignore what "he" has to say when it challenges what you have to say. Now I'm wondering how you would've taken what I wrote here if I'd just used a different name. Anyway, enjoy your bliss.