Monday, October 10, 2011

Love is Like a Box of Chocolates & Bruises

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Do you believe that?

I do. I'm one of those hopeful/hopeless romantic types. I actually believe in unconditional love; the kind that means when your girl (or guy) calls you at 4 AM because they had a bad dream about spiders, and even though you have to get up in two hours for an important test, or meeting, you'll drive over to check under the bed for any eight-legged freaks just because... they asked. And you love them.

I call it... limerence.

But what do you think? Do you think love, by it's very nature, entails a transcendence of your typical person-to-person interactions?

Like, if you step on my toe, and we're married, do I really need to get upset and explain to you why you need to watch where you're walking, damnit?

Or, does it mean that when we hurt each other through common human misunderstandings, are you/I/we required to "get over it"? To give you a pass knowing that your intentions were good, that your actions were purely accidental, and that ultimately I/you feel as bad as you/I feel?

Maybe we need to define it, before we can describe it. What is Love? In the great, nebulous world of ambiguous concepts, what is the concrete meaning of love for us practical living peeps?

Is love just a feeling? An ability? A state of being? Some combination of attachment, lust, and a guaranteed date on Friday night? Is it the process of reciprocity?

I believe Love is not. Love is not conditional or unconditional. Love is not just a process or feeling or combination. Love is not just a date for Friday night. Love is that which can only be described or defined by stating what it is not.

In this way, Love, for me, is a lot like the Hebrew mystic's concept of God. I call it Ahava Chesed.

But I digress. What do you believe? Do you think love means never having to say you're sorry? Is love when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself? Is it a cold and broken Hallelujah? Is what's done out of love always taking place beyond Good & Evil? Is love like the moon, rotating around the Earth and following it till the end of time? Is love everything it's really cracked-up to be?

Sometimes I think, "Love is like a snowmobile racing across the icy tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."


7 footnotes:

Asher said...

I prefer the simple, elegant, practical and poetic formulation that "love is the condition where another's happiness is essential to one's own".

I would think a truly unconditional love would have to exist outside of time and space. One condition for my loving my current girlfriend was that she had great legs, without which I may not have been sufficiently motivated to approach her. There's little like dainty little feet and ankles topped off by nice shapely calves.

Looks like a condition to me.

Zek J. Evets said...


True enough! I did forget to mention the physical conditions we use to judge whether another person is "approachable".

But in that stage, you're not in love. Are you? You're in lust, or affection, crushing, curious, interested, horny, hot, wanting, desperate, etc.

I believe in unconditional love. Not that conditional love doesn't exist, or that I myself am even capable of unconditional love.

Yet I try to to practice it. I find it makes for a happier relationship.

Thanks for the comment! =)

Asher said...

Alright, so, playing devil's advocate I would offer that to truly love one needs equal reciprocation. What is a condition.

I guess I just have this intuitive itch that says there's no such thing as unconditional love.

Zek J. Evets said...


Well, if we're going to go down this rabbit-hole then I would suggest we need a working definition of Love.

Because to answer your question may require it.

My definition of love is such: Love is limerence.

As such, I believe that love requires no reciprocity to be "true", as one's love for another need not ever be known, or acknowledge, or returned for it to be valid AKA "true".

But it's common for the practical and worldly of us to reject unconditional love because it implies an innocence, naivete, and even recklessness that many would eschew in their interpersonal relationships.

Just my two cents. Spend 'em how you will!

lifeexplorerdiscovery said...

I think romantic love is fake. Society created, a money making machine around the holidays. About the only love that is real is the kind of love one has for their family and even that can get conditional (for instance, I love my mom, practically hate my sister and can't even be in the same room with her anymore, and am lukewarm to my extended family).

I become more steadfast in my views that love is not real when those who claim to be in it start trying to psychoanalyze me.

Alee said...

I'm a hopeLESS romantic as well. Love does not love me, but I love it.


Nooo.. romantic love wasn't created. I know because I've felt it since way before I paid attention to media/society. It's just that most people aren't capable of unconditional, true romantic love.

Zek J. Evets said...


Nooo, be a hopeFUL romantic =)