Monday, October 31, 2011
Posted by Zek J. Evets at 4:00 PM
In this segment entitled, "Getting to know your friendly, neighborhood Blog-host" I'll be dishing out plates full of backstory on Saboteur Academia's Fearless Leader AKA... me.
Born July 24th 1986 in Glendale, California. Youngest of 4 brothers. Grew up in the suburban sprawl they call Orange County. I called it living behind the Orange Curtain. My childhood neighborhoods were predominantly White, Christian, and Fucking Suburban Wastelands. Mother & Father divorced when I was 6, and in that classic 90's psychobabble trend I was diagnosed with ADHD soon after. Prescribed Ritalin and visited more counselors than contained within a psychiatric textbook. (UCI even studied me as part of "breakthrough" research into childhood development.) Other highlights include anti-Semitic bullying, reading Animorphs, gymnastics classes, belated Bar'Mitzvah, sporadic paternal presence, first sexual experiences with ironically Catholic Latina girlfriends, debate team, chess club, marching band, membership with 3 semi-professional gaming teams, various relapses of Mother's cancer (contracted when I was 2) until her death circa March 2003. I was 15. The last years of her life I recall functioning as combination cook, bedside nurse, and rehab counselor to an older brother addicted to Mom's prescription medication.
If you were to ask someone how they'd characterize me between age 6 and age 17, they'd probably say I was a smart-ass annoying nerd. Skinny and pale like Macaulay Culkin with glasses, a crooked tooth (even to this day) and a habit of saying whatever the fuck I felt like. It'd be an understatement to say I didn't have many friends. Whatever. So it goes.
But my greatest accomplishment during this period to date remains missing the initial 4 months of my Senior high school year, getting all the work I didn't do waived, receiving a 3.0 grade point average, and yet still managed to get accepted into Brown University on the merits of a heartbreaking admissions essay that I mailed to every university official on that campus. (I was unable to attend because they didn't give me any financial aid, so I couldn't afford it.)
Also, I'm quite proud of being the only person in my graduating class to successfully kick the shit out of... anyone, despite the fact that I was a skinny little bitch. Call me immature -- it was high school. The dude was a gang-banger wannabe named Chimp with a penchant for throwing water-balloons and jumping dudes with his five other friends. However, we threw down in the locker-room post-PE-class where it was mano a mano. His right punch gave me a black-eye, but it was worth it to headlock him, two knees to the gut, one to the face, locker-slam, and then choke him out.
What?? Of course I'm relishing the memory! Don't judge me.
Other factoids: I was born an uncle. My oldest older-brother from Mother's first marriage to a La Habra police-officer. He had two daughters -- one the same age as my youngest older-brother, the other my age -- as well as a son five years younger than I.
I attended a total of 4 different Elementary schools (every one in my district) until I was banned from the district for misbehavior such as fighting, biting, resisting teachers, falling behind in class, asking too many questions, and yelling. None of my principals could refute my statements that anti-Semitic bullying by teachers and fellow students was the cause for much of my behavior, nor did they ever investigate these claims. (Eventually I was repatriated into the district during middle school after going through rehabilitative education at a pseudo-reform school.)
I was the youngest member of my old professional gaming team, The SoCal Sockas at age 16. We won numerous regional championships in Starcraft 2: Broodwars expansion, as well as Warcraft III (RoC and FT). However, I quit when the team decided to compete in South Korea, and instead I went to college. Currently all of my former teammates are millionaires (by South Korean standards) living in Seoul. They all took Korean wives, and make a living by working as coaches, trainers, players, and commentators in the South Korean professional gaming scene.
As for me, I still think I picked the right decision. Why? Because I don't fancy living in South Korea.
Anyhoo. Hope ya'll found some infotainment in these bittles about myself.