Monday, December 13, 2010

About Kissing

Something Heinrich Karl Bukowski and I have in common is our view on kissing.

Kissing is the single most intimate thing a person can do with another person. More than sex, more than fucking, maybe even more than making love.

Something about being face to face, breath to breath. The ability to look into each others' eyes, which are called the windows to the soul, and then pressing close together interlocking lips.

It's a deeply personal thing to me, and most people would probably disagree, but it's something I believe.

And the strangest thing about it is, kissing is something we do all the time. Even with relatives and strangers! (Although not the same way we kiss our significant others.)

For most people, kissing is pretty basic. Not a big deal. Whether its making-out or Frenching or tonsil-hockey, nobody seems to hold kissing to a high standard of intimacy. In most relationships, it's the first thing you do at that certain point during a date, and the last thing you keep doing in old age.

However, among sex workers kissing is just as intimate as it is to me. In fact, it's a line that most sex workers do not cross -- even to make that extra dollar. Strippers let guys grab nearly every part of them (and in private rooms they'll go further) but they never kiss. Same for hookers. They'll suck or fuck, but never kiss their clients.

(Which makes me wonder, if strippers and hookers and I have this thing in common, then what does that say about me?)

I've often had a difficult time justifying my own history of kissing with my personal views about the matter. I mean, how do you say, "I think kissing is way more intimate than sex, but I've totally kissed other people and been fine with it." Seems kinda contradictory, right?

There's not really a good explanation for this kind of "double consciousness", but I think it has something to do with my personality. I'm pretty trusting and compassionate, even with strangers or people I've only known for about five seconds. So maybe being able to do that so easily makes things as intimate as kissing easy for me also...?

I'm not sure, really. It's just always been one of those things, an eccentricity, a personal quirk I can't explain or deny.

But so it goes.


5 footnotes:

Mira said...

Kissing is extremely intimate, I agree. I'm one of those people who don't feel comfortable kissing random people (I'm talking about the non-romantic, kiss-on-the-cheek sort of things). But I am not sure if kissing is THE most intimate... Interesting view, though.

Some other extremely intimate things:

Hugging. Very important, very intimate. Not to be shared with random people.

(It's considered a norm for women to touch each other in my culture. I'm talking on hugging, hair touching and stuff. I don't find this comfortable and it's one of the reasons people see me as cold. Which I'm not!- I'm just not into hugging random people).

Also, sex. This is self-explanatory, I guess, but I think I have a somewhat strange views on sex. I tend to see sex as more than it actually is, some sort of a magic power that is incredibly strong and pure... Even if it's between two people engaged in a one night stand. I guess I see the whole concept of sex way too idealistic and pure (in lack of a better word).

I'm not one of those girl who need to wait before having sex with a guy. I was never like that, even when I was completely inexperienced. In fact, I don't think I am able to really fall in love with a guy I've never had sex with. Some people find this strange, but that's how it is for me, I guess.

So all in all, while I do think kissing is really intimate, I wouldn't forget about hugging and sex... They are all really intimate.

Zek J Evets said...

I think our views on this are pretty similar Mira. Although my girlfriend often laughs about my contradictory feelings on intimacy versus my actual dating history.

There are lots of other intimate physical things people do, but kissing for me is definitely > hugging, yet possible = sex/making love. It's hard to boil these things down, since each situation in which they occur in is basically unique.

As for hugging random people... I have a friend back home who is ALL ABOUT hugging random people. In fact, I'd say he's ESPECIALLY about hugging random people. Kinda does it for shits & giggles.

Anonymous said...

Is it Jasper?

Natasha W said...

I agree that kissing is very intimate. And it is enjoyable. But more intimate in sex? Eh, maybe in some ways. But I'm like Mira when it comes to sex: it is powerful.

Zek J Evets said...

@jasmin: nah, it's dan, who you've never met.