Friday, November 5, 2010

Learning Curve

Some people just don't get it.

For them, the only truth, or fact, or even opinion that matters is their own. They live in a small world surrounded by many bigger ones, which gives them the feeling of being attacked, or of being a lone rogue, a pariah valiantly fighting a brave cause against entrenched and misguided haters.

It'd be hilarious if it weren't sad. Why? Because people like these are what [cause gay students to commit suicide]. Because people like these are the reasons other more violent crazies feel [justified in taking their frustrations out on inter-racial couples]. Because people like these are where hate comes from -- from that hurtful place where individuals try to defend their spite by abusing the human capacity for reason.

Maybe you think I'm wrong. Maybe you think I taking them too seriously. Maybe you think I'm blaming them for things that weren't their fault? Maybe you think a lot and don't actually take the time to think things all the way through.

As we've seen with Juan Williams, Melanie McDonagh, the Tea Baggers, and the rising tide of Islamophobia in our country, individuals are sometimes just a representation for greater movements -- and sometimes they are the leaders of them. Cases in point: Glenn Beck, Peter Pace, Sarah Palin, Christine O'Donnell, even Louis Farrakhan. People like this are how hate is created.

On the internet, this is the same case. Certain bloggers, for instance, seem to see their posts as leading charges to take back... I don't know, power? Freedom? The status-quo?

[For me, this means being lambasted as an individual to advance an ignorant socio-cultural commentary]

Iunno about the rest of ya'll, but I can't help laughing at this sort of ignorance. Dudes think because they've read a blog-post, they know something, or someone. They spend an evening talking about me like I was a celebrity or the president. Even funnier, they'll go out into world thinking they're right!

Imagine meeting one of them on the street. I mean, can you? You have a conversation. You get to the topic, and all of sudden they start ranting about the something. Proverbial foam at the mouth, words slurring together as their heat rises with the awkwardly pulsating vein in their forehead. As you're listening, suddenly you realize they're talking about you! You start to laugh -- and they ask why. When you tell them that source of their lame rant is actually the guy they were hanging all cool with just a second ago. Then the awkwardness sets in.

Usually that'd be the end of it. The person would realize they were mistaken -- or at least rude -- and move on.

But on the internet, people take a deliberate glee in tarring & feathering. Is it the [GIDT] (Greater Internet Dickwad Theory) at work? Or maybe it's just the hating.

Maybe it's just the manifestation of the people I'm talking about above.

If there's one thing I've learned about people from my long work writing down community stories, doing anthropological work all across Southern California, and my various travels around the States and Western Europe, it's that people will always show their true colors when the power or freedom exists for them to get away with it.

In this case, anonymity provides the perfect opportunity for haters to fail tearing others down to make themselves feel better. Like the classic bully, they pretend their actions aren't what they are, and defend themselves to the end.

Normally I don't like being entangled in cyberspace warfare dramatics, but sometimes you've gotta deal with things you don't like.

So let me address the haters:

1. If having a hot girlfriend who gives me everything I want (and more) is emasculating or effeminate then maybe the real bitch in this ain't me, but you.

Really! Where's your love life at? Can you even get a date for Friday night? Or do you still masturbate to cartoon-porn and drink Natty-Ice? Please kid... Here's some advice for you: go eat a dick.

2. This blog is a personal blog, but if you make the mistake of thinking because you read one post you know me then you're not just arrogant, but stupid too.

Let me wax poetic for a second and drop some wisdom by the good man, Walt Whitman, "I give you fair warning before you attempt me further, I am not what you supposed, but far different." -- from Calamus.

3. Take a look at the situation -- I said something that upset my girlfriend and apologized for it. Took like five seconds. Later, I post a short blog about it because the idea between "girl talk" & "guy talk" fascinated me. You come around and write a whole dissertation on it. Can I ask, do you have a life? Or is that heartbeat of yours just for show?

Are you perhaps a lil' vampy who leeches off the doings of others because you ain't got nothing else going in your life?

(In one person's case, an illustrious career as waiter -- guess his college education wasn't enough, huh? And in another person's case he's a wannabe blue-collar fighter -- why you fronting? This is the internet. Nobody cares how tough you say you are.)

But most importantly, can I ask what business of it is yours what I say or do in my relationship?

4. Spam, flame, hate all you want. Does it make you feel better? After trying --- and failing -- to tear me down, what do you have left? Let me guess, is it an empty hole in your life because the only thing you got going for you is the hour (or two) you spent writing poorly constructed bullshit and spewing it at a person you don't know or even met.

5. Don't spend your online time being a hater. All it will do is get your blog banned like poor ol' Obsidian. (An occurrence I find to be poetic justice a lot more than censorship, like some crybabies are saying.)

Don't waste your life trying to be something you're not or trying to make me into something I'm not. Do you, and let me do me. Trust me, you'll be less of a lame douchebag in the end.

And those are my five points, more or less.

Hope these knowledge bombs I'm dropping will hit some targets with ya'll.


13 footnotes:

Anonymous said...

*Hot girlfriend waves*


Natasha W said...

Make these people go away.

Where did this whole thing start, anyway? I didn't even know who any of these people were a month ago. They take blogging very seriously. It's a little scary.

Zek J. Evets said...

@natasha: i have no idea! but it's funny how much they see our refusal to debate with them as some sort of indication they're correct in their craziness.

i mean, do they expect everyone to spend their lives talking with them? no thanks, i don't need friends who are so hateful. maybe they should try joining a club or something, instead of constantly blogging about how people won't participate in their hate-a-holics?

by the way, i noticed that chuck recently made a post crying about supposed libel, slander, and defamation. haha! even if it were true, i don't understand how that's any different than the crazy hateful things they've been saying this whole time!? (and that guy gorbachev gives all us MRA's a bad name.)

they all seem to be about as batshit as when christine o'donnell starts talking about masturbation. it'd be a hilarious riot if these weren't people who actually exist. at that point it becomes less of a saturday night live skit and more like a bunch of bigots with pitchforks.

funny thing... i don't know when being sane became like being frankenstein.

Chuck said...

i wasn't saying anything about someone libeling or defaming me until natasha w. accused me of that.

Anonymous said...


But I'm confused--if you think you're right and someone else is wrong (and you've proven this to be so), don't you just move on with your life?** For example, I'm not going to dedicate my time to convincing people who eat those disgusting triple-bacon/quadruple-cheese/heart attack burgers that it's a bad idea--I thought it took two (active participants) to have a debate.

**Oh wait, you actually have to have a life. Never mind.

ITA, Natasha.

[Bill Cosby voice] Get a job!

Zek J. Evets said...

@chuck: first of all, i'm just gonna thank you for making an actual comment having something to do with the post. (some of your commenters came over here and proceeded to waste my time trying to insult me/my girlfriend/my post.) so, for that, at least i can pat you on the metaphorical back.

having said that... i still don't like you.


she accused you of libel and defamation because you claimed she said things she didn't. she called you a liar, and has denied your own accusations. since you haven't given direct proof, but have given lots of slander, misogyny, and other forms of hate (not just from you, but from your commenters too) i'd say she's in her rights to be upset and to file a complaint with WP if she wants to.

personally, i don't think if i was in the same situation, i would. but then again, i'm a different person, and besides having different experiences, i take things differently.

but while you're here, can you explain the picture of the animal on your post about me? are you trying to say i'm dickless, but with really big balls? or are you just trying to be an asshole? (i don't think that's an unfair thing to say, by the way.)

Anonymous said...

Don't pat him on the back! Don't you know he wants to sleep with you? You'd be sending all the wrong signals? (After all, why else would a strange man be obsessed with your dick?) :-P

but while you're here, can you explain the picture of the animal on your post about me?

Please don't. Why waste his time when you know he/we don't care? You're just looking for another opportunity to embarrass him, and that's not necessary. His life, by definition, is an embarrassment.

Chuck said...


your gerbil had no balls. my squirrel did. yes, that is symbolic.

as i said, nothing personal. i'm a blog responding to the content on your blog.

and i'd like you to point out to me where i've been misogynistic.

Zek J. Evets said...

@chuck: if it wasn't personal then why did you make it personal? it's all well & good to have opinions that you want to express, but when you take a misguided and incorrect interpretation of someone's life to use as your own stepping-stone to talk about something entirely different, that's making something personal -- and being a dick.

as for where you (personally) were misogynistic, i'd have to say it's in your post where you talk about male original sin. i agree with your points, but instead of pointing out that this is a tactic of some women, you instead make it out to be all/most women. i find that to be a little misogynistic to claim all/most women are so petty, especially since my girlfriend (who you use as part of the example) isn't even a feminist! and also since i'm a masculist myself.

but if you'd like to clarify that point, then i'll redact that observation.

@jasmin: i'm not looking for another opportunity to embarrass him so much as an opportunity to defend myself. (though i hardly need to do so.)

but don't worry darling! i don't plan on spending all my free time at it =P

Chuck said...

I don't know why either of you talk about my personal life at all; whereas I at least know how you two handle conlict resolution, you know absolutely nothing about my personal life so it is masturbatory to say that my life is an embarrassment or even mention my love life. *That* would be the height of ignorance. Contrast that with what I know about your relationship.

What I see is a man who makes a tiny infraction against his girlfriend and is then raked across the coals. The girlfriend the plays like she's hurt or entitled.


Without exception, though, it is men who must ponder upon their behavior in relationships. Instead of Zek believing that Jasmin was overly sensitive or stifling his behavior, Zek develops this nuanced term "guy talk" to explain why he was out of line. It's BS.

My larger point was that this is the norm in modern relationships. Men are automatically guilty of something and must always repent.

As for misogyny, I don't believe that I implicated all women in this charge. I don't have these types of interactions with my current girlfriend, but I've had it with previous ones - so I've dealt with both sides of the coin.

Zek J. Evets said...

@chuck: we talk about your personal life because you talked about ours. golden rule at its best, eh?

and if you want to talk masturbatory, why not look at yourself first. why even bother bringing up my relationship in the first place? i'm sure you could have talked about whatever you wanted to without even bringing me or my girlfriend into it. the fact that you did so shows a certain lack of compassion -- or even decency -- that i find reprehensible.

so if you're going to cry like a little fucking baby, at least now you know why.

that said, i wasn't "raked" across any coals. i literally apologized, and that was it! it WAS a tiny infraction until you wrote a dissertation on it. the only people making this out to be bigger than it is are you and your commenters. my girlfriend & i, meanwhile, moved on weeks ago. the only thing i brought up was an interesting concept. you decided to use it for your own ends without regard to the reality of my relationship, or even the reality of the situation. you basically created a fantasy, and that's pathetic.

while you can believe whatever you want about men-to-women interactions, don't make assumptions about my relationship, because ultimately WE know better than YOU. in the end, you're not only wrong, but you look like an asshole for dragging someone's personal business through your own mud. i mean, you completely missed the point of what i was writing so much that you actually ended up hitting yourself in the ass.

as for what i actually did that upset my girlfriend. i don't care if everybody in the world thinks it was no big deal. we're not all the same, and different people find different things offensive. my girlfriend didn't like what i said. and because i love and respect her, i apologized for it even if i feel that it wasn't "that bad". WHY? because i'm not a complete asshole who thinks he's got to be right all the time. (unlike you, apparently.)

i stand by my girl because that's called being a good person, and a good boyfriend. why would i ever side with hateful douchebags like you and Obs and your commenters? over her? please, that's the height of foolishness! and besides, you're all wrong about me and my life anyways. so what would i get out of it? absolutely nothing.

and as for your misogyny, even more than your post, this current interaction makes me see how misogynistic you are. that you just assume without any background info, or even any consideration that because i apologized to my girlfriend, somehow it's an example of women oppressing men. that you jump to that conclusion says a lot about you, and what you believe.

as for me, i'm done now. you've shown how much of a dickwad fucktard piece of shit motherfucker you are. and honestly, after this comment right here, i think i'm done with you. i'm ready to go back to my happy life with my hot girlfriend.

meanwhile, you keep scrounging for tips and spend less time on the internet, so you can find a better job that'll make that college degree of yours actually worth it.

cheers asshole.

Natasha W said...


"What I see is a man who makes a tiny infraction against his girlfriend and is then raked across the coals. The girlfriend the plays like she's hurt or entitled."

She was hurt and a little offended.

So? Why are you presuming this was an "act"?


I think the only person that gets to decide that is her.

Something I've noticed about you (and your friends) is that you think you can dictate to others (particularly female others) what their response should be to situations.

"Without exception, though, it is men who must ponder upon their behavior in relationships...

My larger point was that this is the norm in modern relationships. Men are automatically guilty of something and must always repent."

Oh, does it hurt? Chuckie want a bandage? :(

I find it funny that you all rail against women playing the victim and then turn right around and... play the victim! Irony.

But, no, you're wrong. Every relationship requires compromise. That's what two people who love and respect each other do. Women also make many compromises in order to keep their men happy in relationships. If the women you've been with in the past have all herded you like cattle, well, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't project all your feelings onto others' situations.

Anonymous said...


Don't forget--blow-up dolls can't talk. It all makes sense now... :-P


The boyfriend and I have a similar blogging style, even though we write about different topics (for the most part). We're those thinking/people-watching types who wonder about why people do what they do (maybe that explains why we chose to study Psych and Anthro?).

Most of my posts come from analyzing why people do certain things (e.g., aversive racism of language majors; relationships boundaries, etc.), but building my post around one example doesn't actually mean it's about a specific (real-life) example. (That's one reason why I laugh when people ask me if a post is about them. By asking, you pretty much make it so.)

One thing I notice that's more common among male bloggers I've encountered (though not all certainly) is that many of them need a specific example to make a point. For example, they'll preface a point with, "Well, such-and-such poster does/says/wants this because...", and then go on to base the argument on the (usually false) claim about whatever so-and-so did. If I think stealing is wrong, I don't need to say, "Well Zek steals, and he's wrong because..." I'm not getting how asserting that someone involved in the current discussion is specifically related to the topic up for debate strengthens the point. *shrug*