Monday, September 20, 2010

Women I Used To Know: Part Deuce

[This graphic is a joke. I do not advocate actual violence. Only metaphorical.]

When one writes about the past, the most important thing is to make sure it's really still the past.

Because if you write about something still present, it'll get ya...

People are often amazed at the stories of my life. I'll admit, some of things that have happened are almost impossible, but honestly, the kicker is that so much could happen in so short a time. I feel like I've lived enough in twenty-four years to fill at least three semi-exciting lives to the ripe old age of ninety. But that isn't gonna happen. So it goes.

Today's bloggings are firmly rooted to a younger me however, and certainly will entertain the two (or three) of you who still read these ramblings. This story is actually the start of a relationship with women that came to dominate my life for the next decade, until I met the miracle that is my girlfriend.

So let's get started!

***Author's Note: certain names, dates, and details have been changed to prevent anyone charging me with libel. Thank you.***

In 7th grade I was twelve years-old. The extremely awkward phase: skinny as a Victoria Secret model, with nigh translucent skin from never playing outside, and a mouth still too big for my face. I wore wide-framed specs made from plastic, which ironically looked exactly like child-predator glasses. My "outfit" consisted solely of blue jeans, random graphic black T-shirts, FAT skater-shoes, and a baggy sweater when it got cold.

[Not my actual appearance. No pictures of me from this time are still around.
This is in lieu.]

Not exactly an image to inspire any middle-school crushes from the female populace.

But I did okay. I was funny... if by funny you mean sarcaustic, annoying, and in love with arguing with people dumber than me. (Which was everyone back then.)

I was nice. Mostly to the dorky girls because they were the only ones I could reasonably hope to possibly date. To the popular girls I was a right little douche, always causing them grief. Mostly because they wouldn't date me. And because they used to egg on the popular guys when they'd bully me.

What was going on in my life at this point? I had just started re-integrating to my home school district from my special-ed private school, my Mom had just finished her third round of chemo and bone-marrow transplants so she was feeling better, more scrappy. I hadn't seen my Dad much, but I remember he sent me to space camp that summer before the school-year started. All in all, life was shaky, but looking up!

I had two classes at my middle school. Science and History. Both were my strong subjects. (Which was why I started off with those.) History was boring, but easy. Science was more... lively. I had jocks and bullies in my class. It was not fun.

But since it was my last class of the day before I went back to Rossier (my special-ed school) to finish the day, I never felt too bad about it.

Okay, now the girl in question (and the focus of this post) begins one day before a lab we were going to have, dissecting a pig. I opted out because the teacher believed being Jewish means that besides the obvious of not being able to eat a pig, I can't touch a pig, smell a pig, see a pig, make a pig face, or even read Charlotte's Web. Hell, if I'd sold it any harder she woulda believed that I never even played "little piggies" with my mom as a baby! This didn't quite have the effect I imagined though.

So while I was sitting in the front dissecting a frog, this girl comes in late with a most of a softball uniform on. I'd seen her before in class, but she always sat at the front -- whereas I sat at the back -- and never got a good look at her. She was Brazilian (as she constantly liked to remind people) and her name was... Encarnacion!

She had a man-ish face I remember. Strong jaw, wide eyebrows, jutting lips. Kind of tough. Always the type to fight the boys if they stepped out of line. Oh, but she did have nice looooong black hair, and always managed to wear short-shorts just this shy of being inappropriate.

I watched her talk to the teacher, gesticulating wildly as she tried to weasel out of being tardy because she had to go home to grab her stuff for softball practice after school today. The teacher was a gullible bitch, I'll admit, but still as rough and cheap as knock-off shoes.

Encarnacion had to do her lab work with me.

And let me tell you, she sucked at it. For being such a tomboy, she sure couldn't cut a frog open to save her life! I had to do all the work, write the parts down, dissect some more, make notes, etc etc, and get US that sweet A+. She said thanks.

After that I started sitting more towards the middle rows of class, which was slightly hazardous to my health, because as you know there's a strict hierarchy in school. And I was on the bottom rung. Ladder jumping was simply unacceptable.

The jocks I had to share tables with made sure I knew this, as they imprinted it indelibly on my skin with titty-twisters, bangkoks, Indian sunburns, and monkey-bites. I don't think my skin was completely mark-free once during the next two months.

It was worth it though, can't deny. I got to see why guys always sat at the back and girls at the front. Not just because girls tended to suck-up to teachers more for good grades, but also because guys could stare at anyone chick's ass without getting caught. I indulged in this pre-teen past-time with gusto, especially during the hot days when Encarnacion would wore her Brazilian-cut shorts. (I swear, even the whorish tendencies of young girls these days couldn't compare to those short-shorts.)

Eventually I think my tormentors figured out why I was sitting there though, and made plans to fuck it up for me. How did I suspect this? They stopped torturing me, and started asking me questions.

"You like that girl?"
"Want her to be your girlfriend?"
"I bet she gives you a boner."
"Yeah, a boner the size of an ant!"
"Look, Steffen's got a boner!"

(I should mention that they called me "Steffen" because it was a feminized form of my first-name, which is Stephen. Yes, with a "ph" pronounced like a "v". Apparently this is too advanced for middle school kids.)

One day, when we were to split up into groups, the leader of my bullies, Jason, decided to make sure Encarnacion and I were in the same group with him and his friends. We all sat in a box-circle-thing and the first thing Jason says is, "Hey, Steffen likes you."

At the time I swear I could feel a coffin-door closing on my face.

All the guys started laughing, and Encarnacion looked around confused. I tried not to blush and began hiding myself behind my folder. Not sure if that really succeeded.

After class she asked me if I was serious. I nodded. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and by the end of the week we were "boyfriend & girlfriend".

I know, I know, it sounds all so wonderful, so beautiful, so romantic. But you haven't let me finish yet...

We were in a relationship a grand total of six months. From February 1999 to the end of August. Some of the highlights:

-- First date

I was one of those kids who had to take his girlfriend to the movie on his bicycle's handlebars. It wasn't pretty. She weighed more than me -- remember: I was a skinny bitch at the time -- and so the first couple of tries I accidentally made her fall flat on her face into the asphalt. Encarnacion was pissed.

-- First experience with oral sex.

It was a "birthday gift" when I turned thirteen. After my party, Encarnacion and I were hanging out in my room, and she "gave" it to me. Unfortunately I hadn't gone through puberty yet, so in retrospect the whole thing seemed kinda pointless. But the REALLY bad thing was when my Mom walked in on us in the middle of it.

Yeah... She whooped my butt pretty good later for that one. I had a complex about my dick even near a girl's mouth for a while. And, of course, Encarnacion was banned from our house.

-- First time I ever said the phrase, "I love you."

It was after Encarnacion had gotten into a fight with her mom and her mom's new boyfriend. We were in my room in the dark, listening to "our song" (something by Whitney Houston) and she said she loved me. Then she asked me to say it back, and at first I kinda squirmed around it a bit until she really started getting upset. I said it even though I didn't mean it, or even know what it meant, at the time.

Anyways, after all these things had happened came the Bad Stuff.

Kids in middle school can be so cruel, and being a loser I was, most people felt comfortable bullying me for no good reason. Girls would ridicule my masculinity. Guys would try to kick my ass. Life was just like that. I'm not sure if my family ever knew or cared, but I never told my Mom because I didn't want to make her sick again by accident. (And I thought I could take care of myself.)

When it came to my relationship with Encarnacion, she'd be the one knocking heads if someone started anything with me. And that was great during the school year, but during the summer my niece -- who was living with us at the time -- started having more of her friends over. They were all popular girls, and just like oil & water we did not get along. Not at all. Especially not with my ex-girlfriend.

They'd call her whore, slut, cheater, cunt, bitch, douchebag, hooker, trash, wetback, etc. They'd make fun of her for being like a guy. They'd make fun of her mom for being with so many guys. It went on and on for a while until when they couldn't get to her they started in on me. They called jewboy, loser, lame, dork, nerd, dweeb, geek, bitchass, retarded, stupid, idiot, etc. Eventually this led to Encarnacion trying to fight them for me, and them trying to make me break-up with her before I got AIDS.

What I didn't know was that the taunts they were throwing at me and my ex-girlfriend were actually true! (Well, some of them.) A week went by and Encarnacion told me while crying that she had cheated on me with a guy from our school. This Black guy named . At first I wasn't sure what my reaction was supposed to be, but then when she told me what they did I got so pissed I wanted to punch her.

Instead I stopped talk to her for a few days. Ultimately though we talked it out, and I forgave her.

To this day I can't believe how stupid I was, but the next part shows it:

I had only one close guy friend at the time. Peter Dott. He was a year older than I was, and lived on the other side of the park near my house. We didn't hang out that much, but had a good time when we did. He knew my family too, and his brothers went to high school with my youngest older brother.

What I didn't know was that Encarnacion had been having sex with him for the last month we were together.

I found out from my niece's friends who took me to the park where they were making out. Even though I was fitting to go OJ on them both, I walked home and cried myself to sleep.

The next day I called Encarnacion and told her what I saw. She apologized. Asked me to forgive her. Said she was sorry. A whole bunch of bullshit, and while I bought the first sack, this one I didn't. I had since found out a whole lot more about her. She was one of those girls that guys say, "has been around the block." She'd had sex when she was 11! To a neighbor kid of mine whose little brother I used to play G.I. Joe's with. She'd sucked the dicks of at least half the guys on the baseball team too, as they later confirmed for me.

It was like finding out the rose you were holding was really a mud pie being thrown into your face.

I called her so many names, I can't remember them all. Then I dumped her on the phone and never spoke to her again. She moved to a new school district the following school year. She and Peter apparently fucked around through some of high school, when he & I both did water-polo, because I saw her once during a banquet after winning a game. But after that I never saw her again...

Flash forward to 2007. I've just moved to San Francisco, and my niece calls me to say she's found Encarnacion on Facebook. At first I can't believe it, but it was true!

The reason I had such a hard time believing it? Because in her photo she looked like a man!

Yes! As I found out, my ex-girlfriend had a sex change to become a man, and is (or was, last time I checked) in a relationship with another woman.

So there you have it. A story so strange and crazy that sometimes even I can't believe it happened to me. But it did. And it taught me a lot about life, that there are some things which are unforgivable, if only because they are unforgettable.

I also learned that even good people can do horrible things to you if you let them.


7 footnotes:

Mira said...

What a twist ending! I didn't expect that.

In any case, reality is often stranger than fiction.

As for your experience, it does sound like a traumatic one, but in a way, it's better to learn some things at the young age, so you won't repeat your mistakes.

Also, I guess it's difficult for you to talk about your mother, but it's part of the story that touched me. My husband's mother died of leukaemia when he was 13 and he was not one of the popular boys in the school. So I guess it all made me strongly connect with the story.

Zek J. Evets said...

yeah, i find that my most vulnerable side while writing comes from talking about that issues regarding my mom. personally though, my favorite part is writing about my own flaws (or any character) having to turn those flaws into an asset. it makes me feel like we can all become better.

glad you enjoyed the twisty ending! =)

Natasha W said...

Wow, this story is... interesting.

When a post is this good, I have to come back to read it again before I comment. So I'll be back later!

Natasha W said...

Ughhh, can I find her and shoot her?

I swear, I will just tell my kids not to date at all in middle school or high school. It's way too much drama. And no one is serious then.

You've had an interesting life, indeed. I wonder how you are still sane.

Zek J. Evets said...

@natasha: haha, no need for violence! or tell your kids not to date in school. that'd be not only impossible, but weird. besides, it's not like i'm super messed-up -- only a little ; )


my life experiences may be crazy, but ultimately they make up who i am, and i like who i am. so in the end, i'm okay with what has happened, more or less.

Lex said...

It could have been worse. You could have been the one to get a sex change operation.

Zek J. Evets said...

@lex: that'd definitely be worse, haha!