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Monday, September 6, 2010

Making a Masculist Funny


I just had to repost this joke from [Listverse].

Mostly because It's so true, and damn hilarious. Enjoy:

"One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT???!!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewelery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you, she was so excited, she must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!”

I then said “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I won’t be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.

[Cheeky Monkey]"


Cheers

5 footnotes:

Jasmin said...

I've heard this joke before--glad it's never applied to me! ;-)

Mira said...

It's so not funny, man.

Zek J Evets said...

@jasmin: and it never will =)

@mira: i can't tell if you're making a funny back at me or not... but i hope you weren't offended. i freely agree that both genders have their own stereotypes worth joking about to reveal how silly they are.

Mira said...

No, no, I wasn't laughing at you and I wasn't offended (I am not easily offended, trust me!)

It's just... It's cruel. Some women DO behave this way (not sane ones, though, and not majority of women- I hope. But there are some that do have this mindset).

Anonymous said...

I addressed your "race as a social construct" comment over at Y's:

http://zairejungle.wordpress.com/2010/09/02/counting-halves-as-wholes/#comment-346