Friday, August 6, 2010

Random Acts of (Un)Kindness

The thought progression follows visceral images:

Missing the bus. Driver was apathetic. Lack of sleep equivalent to luggage under eyes. Huddled against cold winds while tourists walk around in shorts. Pay day pushed back. Home to call girlfriend to go to sleep to wake back up again. Caught bus running across green-light. Driver was angry. Never understood upset people. Did good at work. Still not been paid. Watched as little girl spun circles around her new Elmo sweater.

Something about these past days has embedded itself into my memory such that I recall flickers of emotions felt hours/day/weeks ago.

My job has been alternatively amazing and exhausting. I work like a dog and get paid like a rat. Haven't really been home much, but that's the cost of employment in this economy. At least there's always a twenty to buy sushi, and enough extra to pay the rent.

The Coworkers are like high schoolers. Gossip flows faster than the overpriced crap we slang to fuel San Francisco's tourist economy. From the guy who farts like a crop-dusting artist, to the girl that wears high-heels whenever "he" works, to my Jewish boss built like an English bulldog, to the curly-haired manager with Invader Zim's personality, to the next-door restaurant hostess in professionally slutty attire, to the baby-faced Asian boy with a practiced thuggish voice, to our stock-team listening in on the Giant's game, to the friendly neighborhood Starbucks barista who flirts with all the guys, to random hobos stealing shit in shopping carts, to a douchebag coworker constantly pretending he's supercop with citizen's arrests, to the pregnant cashier that might be the only normal person among us.

Sheer amounts of strangeness combined in tiny quarters like the sardines at Scoma's which so resemble how our the shops look when they open, and even more so when they close.

Every day I sleep a little longer on public transportation than I do at home. Each hour becomes a lifetime to do just one thing. (It'll be a long time before I can do anything else again.) But mostly I feel the weary-bones' cold shedding like snake skin as my tired eyes look around disillusioned with the summer's end. Time to go back to school! Say the signs outside Walgreens, and my head nods absently. I want to sleep but can't find the place to rest my head so I curl into my self and sleep on myself.

It works, mostly.

Then there are the random moments of beauty. Small silences on the phone with my girlfriend, completely in love. Customers who tip. Catching public transportation at the sweet spot so I get to every transfer right before it leaves. Buying a plane ticket. Finishing another book I've always wanted to read. Sleeping in an extra hour. Watching kids chase pigeons. The cool breeze on my freshly shaven face. Take a deep breath and drink it all in...

Maybe the past few weeks have all been a blur? It's hard to remember chronologically -- only scattered images and misplaced events. Yet the fact that I remember them at all must mean they're important, right? Right?

Just give me one day to sleep away. I miss doing all the nothing I could want to do.

But only a little!


2 footnotes:

Mira said...

You sound exhausted.

Not having money sucks, and so does a job you're not interested in. It can make you tired in no time.

That's why you should find a little time for yourself and things you really, really like to do every day.

Zek J Evets said...

yeah, i've been somewhat exhausted lately, but only because i'm working so hard. it pays off though, i feel. pay day finally came so that made the work worthwhile. and i do always find time to do something for myself every day -- by calling my girlfriend =)