Pages

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sexploitational Depravity



In Saboteur Academica's quest to bring you the latest - and greatest - in Alternative Knowledge, we have prepared a list of Sexually Exploitative Acts that will have you rolling on the floor laughing. (Also known as ROFL, roflcopter, roflobster, roflmao, roflmaobbqkthx and other 1337 abbreviations.) These examples of depraved sexploitation have been culled from the bowels of chauvinistic glory and internet misogyny.

You've heard of the Kama Sutra? Well, this is the Smuta Sutra.

***WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS INFORMATION OF A GRAPHIC NATURE GUARANTEED TO OFFEND 99.9 % OF WOMEN... AND 30 % OF MEN THAT LIVE IN BIBLE-BELT STATES. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, STRONG SENSE OF MORALITY, OR IDEALISTIC NOTIONS OF LOVE-MAKING, PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS POST. THIS HAS BEEN A WARNING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

ABANDON HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.***

[jump to continue - click header]

The List


1. The Dirty Sanchez

Also known as, the Frosty Mustache, or the Stinky Hitler. This act involves one person performing anilingus on their partner, in which their partner then defecates or retains traces of fecal matter from a previous defecation which leaves one with a smear of fecal matter across the upper (and sometimes lower) lip that resembles a beard or mustache, hence the name. This is one of the most popularly known acts of sexploitation, often called in the scientific community, coprophilia, which also refers to any sex-act involving feces.



2. The White Out

Also known as, getting a Facial. This involves a man who is about to cum placing his penis directly in front of their partner's face and as orgasm is reached allowing their ejaculate to spray all over their partner's face. This can often involve rubbing the ejaculate into the skin with the tip of the penis to allow for greater stimulation, pleasure, and sperm coverage. A variation of the White Out is called, Dotting the I's, where the person carefully ejaculates on the eyelids of their partner, thus performing a literal pun as they dot their partner's eyes with sperm. Dangers associated with this act involve getting ejaculate in the eyes, as this can lead to temporary - or even permanent - blindness and moderate-to-extreme pain.



3. The Cleveland Steamer

Also known as, a Steamer, or being Steamed. This act involves a person defecating on their partner's chest, followed by rocking back and forth across the chest - typically with their posterior - to imitate the movement of a steamroller. This action further spreads the fecal matter across the chest of their partner, creating a thin-layer of scat. The origin of "Cleveland" to the phrase is hotly disputed, but commonly believed to be because the act itself was first performed in the city of Cleveland, Ohio. Other theories include, the name of the first person to give a Steamer was named Cleveland, or that the stripe of feces created during the act resembles the brown stripe on the football helmets of the Cleveland Browns.



4. The Strawberry Shortcake

Also known as, Shortcaking. The act is similar to a Facial, but as the person ejaculates on their partner's face, they then proceed to hit in them in the face, causing blood to flow which mixes with the jism to resemble the icing and filling of strawberry shortcake. Typically the nose is used as a primary target due to the ease at which it breaks and the amount of blood-flow that will occur. Other types of a Strawberry Shortcake involve vaginal intercourse with a woman on her period. The subsequent ejaculate will mix with the menstrual fluids and form an appearance which is also similar to the icing and filling of strawberry shortcake.



5. The Gorilla Mask

Also known as, Bearding, or getting Gorilla'd. This sexual act is also similar to a Facial, but as the person ejaculates, they grab a handful of either their or their partner's pubic-hair and throw it on their partner's face. This hair sticks to the semen, forming a striking appearance similar to the face of a Gorilla. The pubic-hair may often be prepared in advance. Other versions involve a more prank-aspect, where the participant is asleep as the pranksters commence covering the face of the individual lightly in glue and then sprinkling pubic-hair upon it.




6. The Ninja

Also known as, getting Ninja'd, or Surprise Surprise. This is an intense sexual position that starts during vaginal (or anal) intercourse. The person will have all the lights turned-off, and a dildo nearby. As intercourse is occurring the person will "pull-out" from their partner and put the dildo in place of their penis. Then, the person jumps to their partner's side, screams "NINJA" and then punches them in the face. This frequently can be done to greater effect by utilizing the lights and having them turn on right as the person is preparing to surprise their partner.



7. The Indian Sizzler

Also known as, Branding, or the Ass-Tray. This act involves a person having "Doggy-style" intercourse with their partner. The person then lights a cigarette, smoking it during intercourse. As the person is about to cum, they pull out to ejaculate all over their partner's back, and put out the cigarette in their own sperm. The name originates from the practice of wives in India throwing themselves on a burning pit after their husbands have died.



8. The Cincinnati Bow-Tie

Also known as, a Bow-Tie. This sexual act is similar to a Cleveland Steamer. The person will defecate onto their partner's upper-chest, and then firmly press their posterior upon it (but not rolling around). As they lift their ass off of their partner, the fecal matter will form into a shape that appears like a typical bow-tie. The origin of "Cincinnati" being added to the phrase is rooted in Cincinnati's disparaging colloquial name, Shitcinnati.



9. The Return to Sender

Also known as, Take It Back, and Operation Return to Sender, in reference to the recent immigration sweeps order from 2006. This act involves a person performing fellatio on their partner. As their partner ejaculates into the person's mouth, they invoke their gag reflex, overloading their throat and causing them to vomit all over their partner's penis and groinal area.



10. The Dunbar Scrub

This sexual act is among the most depraved and vile of any sexploitation yet in existence. Typically it occurs after rape or any non-consenual sexual-act has been committed. The person - or persons - will then douse the victim's genitalia in chemicals such as, bleach, or detergent. This act derives its name from an occurrence at Dunbar Village in West Palm Beach when a group of Haitians raped a Haitian woman and then doused her vagina in cleaning solution to cover the evidence of their crime.

These are the top-ten Acts of Sexploitation as defined under the Depraved Sex Acts referendum circa 2002. Sourced from Wikipedia, UrbanDictionary.com, and Fratire Literature.

The author is aware that he is a sick individual, and that if there is a Hell, he is most certainly going there.




Cheers

4 footnotes:

Lex said...

Okay.

Zek J Evets said...

@lex: okay to you too.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

Some of those terms I am aware of and they don't gross me out or shock me at all. Some may be interesting to try....

Zek J Evets said...

@funky: haha, really? wow...

not sure if any of them are safe to try out on anyone. they're all pretty cruel.