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Friday, November 20, 2009

Self-Censorship


Is when your inner-critic tells you that something needs to be edited.



If you look around (carefully look around) you'll notice there's something missing from my blog...

A whole mess of posts.

That's because I have quietly been going around and removing every one that mentions too much about my personal-life - my dating history, women I've known, friends I've had, anecdotes, happysad moments, and other things of a sensitive, personal nature. I reread, copied, pasted, saved every entry to my eJournal. Then I deleted them from my blog.

Why?

Because I have finally realized that maybe this catharsis via full-disclosure isn't a good thing.

[jump to continue - click header]
Sure, I felt liberated to be telling my stories, sharing my adventures in dating, women, relationships - Love - and all the other randomness that happens to me on a daily basis. I really enjoyed writing about my life, and knowing that someone was reading it. It made me feel like I wasn't living in vain, as if everything that happened to me was helping others to avoid my mistakes, or ease the pain through shared experiences.

But slowly this has become poisoned through outside opinion, peer pressure, and embarrassing awkwardness. At first it was people knowing more about me than they wanted to know. Then it was the girls I dated reading about themselves - actually, assuming they were reading about themselves - and getting upset. Then my friends would read and start getting harassed about what I was writing. Finally, it got to the point where total strangers would read my blog - only one post even - and lay down snap-judgments about me.



Somewhere along the way, the various people who have read my blog forgot that everything I have been writing is an outlet, not a representation.

From the deeply melancholic posts to my debauched content - from the hilarious anecdotes to the philosophical musings - from the social commentary to the webjunk postings - all of it is not accurately me! It's what I am, but not who I am. It's what I think, but not how I act. It's what I feel, but not what I say. It's but a part of a much more complex whole. Anyone who reads this and thinks that by a single blog-post they suddenly comprehend a deeper understanding of me is sadly ignorant & tragically foolish.

But still, I will be stopping the exploitation of my personal-life because all it leads to is more drama. And I don't like drama.

However, don't think you'll be missing out on any juicy-stories. I do plan to fictionalize a lot of material so that I can post it consequences-free. You'll never guess what's factual, and what's contrived - but I promise you, it'll all be great reading.

In the meantime, enjoy the short-break as I finish going through more of my blog-history.


 
Cheers

6 footnotes:

Jasmin said...

I don't think you should feel the need to censor yourself--the people who matter won't be the ones who judge you by what you write.

That being said, I don't think I'll be reading your blog anymore...I feel like a snoop!

Ya sabes lo que te mando ;-)

Zek J Evets said...

@jasmin: ya sabes lo que te mando? i know what i can do?

you shouldn't stop reading my blog! that'd be... not my intention. besides, you're gonna miss out on all the cool stuff i'll be writing.

either way, thanks for saying i don't need to censor myself =)

Jasmin said...

OK, I lied. :-)

Well not really, but I figured I would read this post since I did leave a comment.

Ya sabes lo que te mando = You already know what I'm sending you...but it doesn't work in English! (I hope you understand what I meant--forgive my lame attempt to be coy, haha.)

Seriously, this is my last post. But I won't miss out on your writing because I'm getting a free copy of your book, remember? :-P

Kraxpelax said...

SONNET XXXIX FOR KATIE

I went downtown, saw Katie in the nude
on Common Avenue, detracted soltitude
as it were, like a dream-state rosely hued,
like no one else could see her; DAMN! I phewed;

was reciprokelly then, thank heaven, viewed,
bestowed unique hard-on! but NOT eschewed,
contrair-ee-lee, she took a somewhat rude
'n readidy attude of Sex Prelude; it BREWED!

And for a start, i hiccuped "Hi!", imbued
with Moooood! She toodledooed: "How queued
your awe-full specie-ally-tee, Sir Lewd,
to prove (alas!), to have me finely screwed,

and hopef'lly afterwards beloved, wooed,
alive, huh? Don't you even DO it, Duu-uuude!"

My English Poetry Blog

N'est-que pas que la solitude elle-mème eveille quelque attente fébrile? Voici l'entrée, vide, discrètetement illuminée comme une musée nocturne – la terasse, avec ses torchères ondoyantes par un soir d'Avent étrangement doux – laissant le vestibule et les murmures de voix – la chambre immaculée immaculée et la musique de danse derrière le mur – et le bar à cocktails mondains – le bassin où le nageur s'entrâine, longeur après longeur, il en n'a jamais assez, il doit y mettre de sien – enfin, tournant vers le haut au coin du sombre couloir vient la fille noire et pâle, altière, déterminée et de style épuré, ainsi qu'un moderne avion de chasse suédois.

Poétudes

More...

Exit time. Las chicas dejan el espejo de bar
dormindose en sus corazónes de alta traícion.
El Señor no levanta. Él pastorea a sus pies
los presuntos compradores. Y nos bendice.

My spanish poetry blog

More...

Consider Sex and time, procreation, reincarnation. Trigonometry! I envisage the time axis as the repetitive tangens function. Do you see what I mean? What can be tentatively derived from this notion? Clue: orgasm AND birth pangs at tan 0.

My Philosophy

My Music Blog

My Babe Wallpapers

You are very welcome to promote your blog on mine. They are well frequented, so there's mutual benefit.

- Peter Ingestad, Sweden

Lex said...

I think I've already relayed my personal opinion on this post. Or rather to summarize it...

Boo...party pooper.

Zek J Evets said...

@lex: the party has got to end sometime. sorries.