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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Transquips

This past Monday was a good day for dialogue.



Have you ever had that happen before? Just everything anybody says comes off really witty and awesome, like it was written beforehand instead of randomly spoken... So many great lines. Sometimes I think my life would be better if someone captured all this on camera and sold it to a television station for the next big reality television show.

Anyhoo, some of the awesome things I heard (or said) today were:

"Are those models?" "Well, they're tall, and skinny, and slutty." "Yeah, but their faces make them look sixteen." "Must be their shoes." "Huh?"

"Look at that one." "Yeah, she's good. Skinny, but curvy in the right places. Great behind." "I think she's... I don't wanna say older, but she looks way better and more mature." "She's more seasoned." "Seasoned?" "Yeah." "What, like steak?"

[jump to continue - click header]

[Imitating a Russian accent]
"In my country, guns don't kill people. Radiation kills people."

"In my country, cable television costs more than nuclear warheads. Discount for buying in bulk."

"In my country, Miami Vice only second season!"

"In my country, it's a good day when you get to use your AK."

"Is that a man?" "Does she have a package?" "No, but she has an Adam's Apple." "I'm not sure if that counts..." "It does when she's wearing a turtle-neck."

"I would rather rub a cheese-grater over my balls than see another Twilight poster." "Oh, look! It's New Moon." "Fuck you, dude."

"Oho! Wassup." "Where?" "There." "You mean the twelve year-old?" "No, I mean her sister."

"Wait, so she was your first time?" "Yeah." "What happened after you guys broke-up?" "She became abstinent." "[Long pause for laughter] ...Could be worse." "How?" "The first time a girl gave me a blowjob, after we broke up she became a lesbian."

"Dr. Seuss can fuck me in the butt."

"Hey look! It's Miley Cyrus." "Lame. Miles to go? So original." "Dude, the book is wet!" "Haha, put it back." "Why's it wet?" "Someone probably used it to masturbate."

"What's the point of those leashes for cats? If you can get a leash on your cat, it's probably dead."

"What are those?" "They're my pajamas." "You look like a sweat-shop laborer in them." "Jerk!" "Me? You're the one raiding third world countries for your wardrobe."

"I'm a loner, Dotty. A rebel." "My name's not Dotty." "That doesn't matter. I wasn't talking to you." "Who were you talking to? I'm the only one here." "I was talking to my imaginary friend. By the way, she thinks your a cunt."

"What do you call a French-American?" "A Fremerican." "What do you call a Jewish-American?" "A Jewmerican. Or an Amerijew." "What do you call a Muslim-American?" "An oxymoron."

"Canadia is the fifty-first state." "What's Canada then?" "An optical illusion."

"What's the difference between a slut and a whore?" "A slut fucks a lot of men for free. A whore costs money."

"Do you know what they put on baked Lays potato chips?" "What?" "A label that says: "WARNING: may cause anal leakage." "Gross!" "Yeah, and the chips suck too."

"What happens if I blow out one of those candles in the church?" "You go to hell." "What if there is no hell?" "You go to heck."



Weeeeell, that's about all the shenanigans I can remember. But stay-tuned, because this will become a future-feature of my blog-postings. Transquips to be continued...

Cheers

5 footnotes:

Jasper said...

This is probably one of those "you had to be there" things. Especially the "nigga you hilarious" part.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

The things that I overhear people say--particularly other women, never cease to completely floor me. But yeah, those quips were pretty unique:-)troal

Zek J Evets said...

@jasper: well, some of them you probably had to be there. but still! i think in the main they translate kinda okay...

@funky: thanks. some of these quips were by women actually - which is what made it even more hilarious. i can only imagine what random stuff you've heard.

Manju said...

'like steak' this one is absolutely hilarious!

p.s. oh but of course, the locker room! ^^
nahh, it would have been creepy if you'd been a decade older i guess.

p.p.s loved this post, it was so funny ^^

Zek J Evets said...

@manju: thanks, yeah i thought it was great too!

well, i guess since i'm getting too old to use invisibility cloaks to sneak-a-peek inside girl's locker room, i guess i'll just have to... start peeking in women's locker rooms?

glad you liked the post =)