Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Sickness Unto Death

 Been getting over yet another cold recently, which is why I haven't been updating the blog daily per usual. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I seem to be getting sick A LOT lately, and it's really interferring with my schedule.

The roomies jokingly say my immune system must be malfunctioning from AIDS. Personally, I blame other people. I never used to get sick - maybe once a year, if that - but if I hang around someone with the slightest cough or sniffle, I know the next morning my own nose will be dripping, my own throat constricted. It's really annoying... I just want to get better as soon as possible so I can get back to my usual flow.

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I think the climate in this city is not conducive to my circadian rhythm, or something. Maybe my immune system is weaksauce, but at the same time, I only seem to catch colds/flus from other people. They never spontaneously emerge. And I can notice this within six to eight hours of hanging out with a person whether or not they've infected me.

Did you know I actually got the swine flu? Yep. I'm actually a survivor of the H1N1 - AKA "zombie-pig flu virus DOMINATOR!"

Something like that.

I feel like the Native Americans must've felt when the European settlers came on vacay and gave them all smallpox. Seriously! Can't ya'll bitches just keep your infected blankets to yourselves? I'm not down with these diseases yo.

Right by my bed there's this not-so-little pile of used tissues. In fact, many such piles exist in my room at the moment. They look like miniature Mount Kilimanjaro's.

But fear not, my dear readers! I've been self-medicating like a suburban housewife. Got more over-the-counter Tylenol in my system than an overdose victim. Also been indulging in folk remedies with Eastern medicine. I drink green tea plus lemon, ginger, and honey, then orange-juice, then sprite, then a hot shower, then a cold shower, then sleep for twelve hours, then exercise a little, then drink some hard alcohol, then more sleep, and more sleep, then I eat hot food, cold food, raw food, more sleep, and to top it all off: I cough up globs of brown-green mucus into the bathroom sink.

I know. Sexy, right? It's like,  "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!"

Y'know, there's something inherently badass about being able to deal so cavalier with your own bodily fluids. Maybe if I ever get a stab wound I can do what any leading anti-hero protagonist would do... cauterize it with a cigarette-lighter.

On second thought, I think I'll pass.

This entry is just all so much rambling. Hopefully by the time it posts I'll have recovered. And if not... then balls deep to epic fail for me.


3 footnotes:

Manju said...

i can only say one thing - i hope you get well soon

Lex said...

At least you know you won't die easily, through sickness at least.

Looks like you have a pretty tough regimen going there...

Zek J. Evets said...

@manju: thanks, me too

@lex: yerr... i won't die easily. but then again, is that the standard we're using to determine a win here?