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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Human Accessories




I think I've finally found the reason why the world is so screwed up.

Our children are being raised by a bunch of fucking dumbasses, thus becoming dumbasses themselves to grow up and make even more kids who'll also become dumbasses because they're the dumbass children of dumbass parents of dumbass grandparents. It's a vicious cycle.

What's happened to kids and parents? Not so long ago when I was growing up - in the 90's - we had regular childhoods. Childhoods filled with divorce, spanking, mouth-washing, emotionally traumatic birthdays, and evil siblings who steal your mother's breast milk...

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But now! Now we have to deal with this shit:



I may not consider myself "good parental" material, but by the power of Grayskull! There are some real "winners" out there, having unprotected sex and raising the new generation to be a bunch of reality television watching, raunch culture obsessing, cigarette smoking, booze guzzling, gun toting, psychologically disturbed individuals. And we're expecting them look after the world when we're gone??? They can't even read this paragraph without stumbling!

But they sure know how to use a cell-phone. And not just any cell-phone. Only The Best for mama&papa's lil' shit-stomper. They've got the new blackberry300SLXC5000 with SOOO MANY APPS they'll never have time to download them all, but they're gonna try. Oh yes, they are going to try. And then they're gonna borrow your credit-card and download programs to teach them how to cut cocaine on their iPhone while idolizing pictures from Last Night's Party of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus having a foursome with the Jonas Brothers and Lady Gaga watches...

It'd be funny if it weren't so true.

Many parents use their children as some sort of excuse for their lives, as if by getting knocked-up suddenly they're worth a damn, as if being a parent in name only makes them a saint. Celebrities buy kids from foreign countries to pretend like they give a damn. (A disgusting form of philanthropy and globalization.) Hipsters tote their love-child around with baby-gap and a leash! It's like... kids really have become a human accessory, a denial not just of a child's own independence, but their humanity...



This scares me. More than global warming or an economic collapse. More than Kevin Costner in Water World/The Postman. More than Armageddon. More than even the zombie fucking apocalypse, this is what scares me. Keeps me up nights as I frantically search for the reason humanity is intellectually decaying.

Well, I've found it. It's because all the stupid people have been breeding like fucking rabbits while all the smart people focus on curing cancer or discovering the mysteries of the universe. Maybe we should institute a program to reverse this? Take the seed of intelligent people and artifically inseminate that shit.

They'd be a lot better than the current generation of idiocracy in this country, running around like chickens with their heads cut off everytime somebody whispers "swine flu" or canceling American Idol.

But not even another terror-alert threat-level rise could inspire the fear of watching our country slowly choke on its own decadence. Obsesity, ADHD, fake-psycholigical disorders, faux-diseases - some epidemic from Asian birds, African bees, European cows, or American pigs - they are all the effect of the cause of the root of the problem which is: humanity is slowly dying inside.



We should all be screaming. But most of us are too busy living lives of quiet desperation to even remember what it was like to really feel anything... even fear.

The greatest tragedy is not death, destruction, terror or hatred. The greatest tragedy is apathy.

9 footnotes:

Lex said...

Hahaha oh gosh I was laughing so hard reading this. It's hilarious. And I happen to agree that there are just some people who shouldn't have kids. The article about the lady leaving her kid on top of the van....that's pretty messed up.

Zek J Evets said...

@lex: yeah, i know! what kind of shit-stomper town does someone have to live in where they think doing that to their kid is a good idea? i wonder what these children will look like in twenty-thirty years. probably a lot like george w bush...

Jasper said...

Meh.

goldforever said...

extensive background, financial, health etc checks and parenting permits/licenses would prevent a lot of those fuckups, but of course it'd never be legalized. bring on the end of mankind.

American Black Chick in Europe said...

Wow, great points in this post. My dad always used to say, you need a license to drive a car, but any damn idiot is allowed to have a baby. Sadly true.

Melanie's Randomness said...

I cant believe about the woman with the cardboard boxes. Good points Zek. I remember the day I first saw a kid on a leash in the super market and i was like Wait a minute...Did I JUST see that?? Parents have gotten ridicolous. I've never been a parent but I dont think I'm gunna put my kid on a leash or a cardboard box.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

The simple truth is that no one really knows what they are doing when they have kids. I had my first child at 29 and I still felt like an inept kid. I have two boys and I am privy to the stupid conversations people try to have with me about how many activities I have my kids in, do I understand the merits of having them learn French, Mandarin, Japanese, etc., which private school am I sending them to and where do I buy there clothes. Like it really matters-- but there are some parents who treat their kids like a designer handbag-- everyone has one, so why shouldn't they? The kid is born with a job, which isn't fair and that is to be an extension of the parents and do all the things that they couldn't do. Parenting is hard, very hard, and I swear that if I knew that it would be this difficult, I probably would have thought twice before I deliberately stopped the birth control and downed that bottle of Patron. You never know what you are getting when you have a child, you have no control over what kinds of issues they are born with-- true, many things are environmental, and the kiddie shrinks over-diagnose kids just to write prescriptions and pimp drugs for the pharmaceutical companies, but some kids genuinely have genetic pre-disposition for neurological imbalances. I've known people to leave their kids alone in the house, just so that they could go out partying, I've witnessed all kinds of things and heard it all in terms of why people decided to breed. I wonder why they are letting the nanny raise their kids and the kids calling the nanny "Mommy." As for the leash thing, my kids are known for going missing on me in Walmart, Target, the Mall, etc. This is them leash-less and they are too big to put in shopping cards or strollers. As bad a leash or harness may look, it's better than the alternative of them getting kidnapped by a pedophile or having a tragic accident on an escalator, ladder, or running out into a parking lot and getting hit by a car. I understand the point of view of childless people, because I was one and I thought the same way, but when you have a kid, the point of view changes on some things.

Zek J Evets said...

@goldforever: i wish 2012 would happen already... that'd be more interesting that extinction by idiocy.

@abc: seriously! driving is a privilege, but being an irresponsible parent is a right? doesn't make sense at all.

@melanie: thanks. that article i actually found at a website called "why the fuck do you have a kid?" it's on tumblr, and is reaally disturbingly hilarious.

@funky: i guess being a parent yourself gives you a different perspective than me, who isn't. but as an outsider looking in, the things i see don't at all seem like such a good idea. i mean, having had a messed-up childhood myself, i feel a little qualified to make an opinion without being full of it.

maybe things aren't really that bad? maybe the good is just not worth mentioning because it isn't newsworthy? iunno. just seems like there's a lot more gone screwy than there used to be.

samselton said...

def. true
have you seen idiocracy?