Monday, October 26, 2009

Cinematic Revelations

As I was flipping through the movie-queue on Netflix I realized there was an unusually large amount of movies featuring a certain actor. As I investigated this curious frequency, I discovered a hirtherto unknown facet of my filmic palette.

Let me demonstrate with the list of said wicked-awesome movies.

1. Say Anything
2. High Fidelity
3. Grosse Pointe Blank
4. Better Off Dead
5. America's Sweethearts
6. Runaway Jury
7. War, Inc.

Can you guess what they all have in common? The discovery spotlight shines on this awesome actor...

[jump to continue - click header]

Apparently I have a man-crush on John Cusack.

Yes, even though I am in no way homosexual, I would totally drop my soap in the shower for the chance to "make it" with John Cusack, who is so amazing and beyond realistic standards of humanity I can only refer to him by his full name.. John Motherfucking Cusack. (JMF, for short.)

Seriously, is there nothing this man can't do? Quirky comedies, macabe horror films, edgy dramas, and the occassional blockbuster; JMF is a multi-talented actor that needs to be given a Lifetime Achievement Award for dominating my strictly heterosexual male fantasy involving me, him, and a bottle of Dr. Scholl's foot-powder.

What??? You think it's weird to want to rub a guy's feet? I'm helping him protect against Athlete's Foot... geez.

The way he always comes off so quiet and clever and snarky-sarcastic like a smart-guy who doesn't want to be heard by accident. But it's more than just his strange intelligence, it's also his seemingly subtle & subdued insanity - a kind of craziness that's just waiting to bubble up to the surface as soon as shit gets sufficiently effed-up enough. Also, it's his strange tendency to mimic the body-language of the other actors so it almost seems like he's making fun of them without having to even say anything. My favorite Cusack film is probably High Fidelity. The Nick Hornby novel was excellent, but JMF did an even better job portraying the character with an American style and giving love-fucked-losers everywhere hope in there own ineptitutde that eventually it's going to get better - provided they stalk their ex's via montage.

Anyways, I just want to say John Cusack, I love you. Stay sexy, you witty little minx you.

7 footnotes:

Anonymous said...

shouldn't it be JMFC?

Zek J Evets said...

@anon: you're right, but not technically. see, i was making it shorter, hence losing the "mother" part of "fucking" to become just: john fucking cusack.

good eye though.

Lex said...

I knew you were gay...j/k But the thing about rubbing his feet took it a wee little bit too far.

Frizz said...

How about 1408?
That's one thing he shouldn't have done.
But hey, everyone has a "career low".

Zek J Evets said...

@lex: it's never too far to rub john cusack's feet...

don't be jealous =P

@frizz: 1408 was laaaaame. i didn't really get into it, even though i love me some cusack. yeah, even the greats sometimes have a bad picture every so often.

someone else said...

but you shortened it to JMF... john mother fucking?

Zek J Evets said...

@someone else: damnit...

i suck at abbreviations.

it should be jmc. john, motherfucking, cusack.

i = fail.