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Friday, May 15, 2009

Craigslist has the answer AND the question


I really need to stop reading Craigslist this much. It only encourages, then depresses me. But yet, I can't stop, because I need the facsimile of commonality with the world outside my bed/room/apartment/neighborhood/city/state/country/planet.

Here is another "best of" ad from CL, and oh-boy is it a doozy. This guy is having the exact same experience that I do, each and every semester since starting my college education. Gotta love cross-country irony.



"An open letter to all the girls at Pitt who stare at me - m4w

Date: 2009-01-10, 2:31AM EST

OK, let me precursor this post with clarification and some self defecation. I am in no way the sexiest dude on campus. Not even close. There are so many studs in Oaktown its overwhelming. Every once in awhile I'll see a guy so dripping in testosterone and pure man that I consider switching teams just to cock (pussy?) block girls. Those dudes make the game tough for guys like me. They create unhealthy standards for girls which leads to sudden rejection in game-kicking situations.

With that said, I'm not the most unpleasing thing to look at in town. Sometimes I surprise myself when I catch a glimpse in the mirror. Who IS that handsome devil? I'm on the short side, probably a little too much hair, sometimes I dress funny (look, I really like comic books. yes, still). I got my flaws, who doesn't? In additon I have what some might describe a bad personalioty. I get mean, not angry, I just really love to cut up on people. But this isn't at ALL about personality...

GIRLS WHO ATTEND THE UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH AND ESPECIALLY THOSE IN MY CLASSES

STOP STARING AT ME!

No really, its makes me edgy and distracts the hell out of my small male brain. LOOK, its not like I'm not flattered, we met eyes, cool, I'm fine with that. Just stop repeatedly looking in my direction! The thing is there wouldn't even be a problem if something ever happened from this, but after at least 5 years deep in the eye contact game I find it all to be pointless. Look down, look up, shut your eyes, pay attention to the teacher, stare at girls, just not me!

And stop the games!! I mean this girl today looked in my direction 9 times (I counted) sitting next to me. Why was that? Cause she caught me checking her out when she sat down, so what, its what guys do, big whoop, wanna fight about it? The point is she just looked, and got weird about it after awhile.

Or how about the girl you catch staring and she looks away really quick on some, oh i was scratching my ear crap. Or the one who gets caught and gives YOU the evil eye. YOU'RE THE PERVERT, HAG (nice rack)!!!

Or the times you catch a girls eye and shes absolutely gorgeous, waaay out of your league, and you get excited, then she KEEPS doing it, and in a cute little way where she's acting like she's real shy. Then you remember, ohwait, I'm me. And you're convinced its a trick, then you're like maybe I'm just exactly what she likes, shes into darker guys or something. Or maybe she notices the new Jordans. Then you wait until the end of class, where she dips out of the classroom before anyone and is out of the building before you can get a good look at her booty.

This isn't exclusive to classrooms either. Common areas, eateries, bars, parties, YOUR FRIEND'S HOUSE (yes you, K) and EVERYWHERE are applicable.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...I do not want responses to this saying, "well you should just approach the girls, pussy". NO. NO. Screw putting myself out there. I'm a little shy but I'm no turtle, I just hate getting shot down even if its with the famous ooh-sorry-I-have-a-boyfriend excuse. Its time for girls to STEP THEIR GAME UP. I rarely receive compliments, flirting seems to have fallen out of style. If a girl ever asked me to do something or hang out I might spray her down with a hose because I'd be convinced she was a android from the future, or the devil.

So ladies, next time you see something across the room you can't keep your eyes off of, GO OVER AND PICK IT UP. "

Feel bad for you sir, but that's the way it goes these days. Women blame men for the problems that women create themselves, and because we're men, we try fixing them anyways. Actually, not even that, both genders fuck up, but whereas guys know this, girls seem to be surprised by it. Sweetheart, is it really impossible to imagine that you're just not good when it comes to men? You don't approach, or flirt, or talk, or fuck like you give a damn. Maybe its from all the other men you've had to deal with, the douchebags and bastard sons of bitches. But do you really expect a good guy to look past the flaws you yourself won't look past in us? Want a nice guy? Be a nice girl. Reciprocate and initiate. It's not that hard (that's what she said!); we've been doing this a long time ladies, so we should know.



I'm just saying.

5 footnotes:

emily said...

i remember this one; i thought it was good too.
and i totally identify with that "(s)he's eye-flirting with me OH WAIT I'M ME" thing.
i also love that "women suck at math" thing down at the bottom.
women are dumb, dude. but men are too.

JDR said...

It does equal 18, because the root 8 breaks down to 2 root 2 and then you add the other root 2 and you get 3 root 2, and now since the addition sign is gone, you can square it and you get 3 squared which is 9 and you get root 2 squared which is 2, then you multiply and its 18. I think tracey was right... sorry.

Zek J Evets said...

@emily: i agree. but sometimes it seems women don't really believe it because they can use sex appeal at the last moment for an instant win at life.

@jdr: you missed the point.

emily said...

why is there a weird smiling box face on my comment?
make it go away.

Zek J Evets said...

@emily: because you're not a registered blogspot user, you get the smiley-face. sorry! get used to it.