Monday, March 9, 2009

Emerging literary sub-genres

Okay, so after indulging myself in a few melancholic postings, I'm pleased to bring you back to our regularly scheduled blogcast of interesting oddities from the depths of Saboteur Academia's juxtaposition division.

I bring you: Chauvinistic Literature!

Not only did this book inspire a video that has coursed through the YouTube zeitgeist like grease through arteries, clogged with dangerous ideas like maybe militant feminism is WRONG, porn-style sex is FUN, video-games are AWESOME, and that men might actually be JUSTIFIED for their misogyny. The main character is the prototypical "dude" who has sex more than most porn-stars, treats women as objects, makes the gym into his holy church, and generally blows through life like a chihuahua on steroids with a painful erection and a hot-poker up its ass.

Men are Better than Women is as obvious as its title. Dick Masterson is an author true to his namesake as he writes the new male handbook on female fuck-ups and idiocy. The logic drips with pure mantastic manliness like bloody red meat. You'll laugh at the ridiculous premise only to find yourself nodding with his conclusions! If you've ever wondered why women can't park, lose shit all the time, have eating disorders, get drunk to hook up with random guys, and generally suck at life, then get a copy and feel the light of revelation. This book explains the impossibly true statement of, "Women, fucking up the unfuckupable since the Garden of Eden."

After slaying the fat whores, manginas, and pseudo-intellectuals of the world, Tucker Max restores the Asshole to his proper place as the big dick on the playground. It's huge, it's hairy, and it's gonna smack you in the face so get used to it. This next collection of gonzo-stories will probably be another round of drunken debauchery that makes National Lampoon's Animal House look like a middle-school dance where nobody even knew to spike the punch. Unfortunately, the release date for this book is still being pushed back, so don't sit there waiting for it with your dick in hand.

These books are subversive. They make bold claims as hilarious as they are offensive (which is why they're hilarious in the first place) that test the limits of tolerance and prejudice. Sure, we like to think we've come a long way in gender relations, and that we're all basically equal, but honestly, if you believe that then I've got a Ferrari here to sell you... painted on the side of a sack of bullshit!

Chauvinist literature pushes back at Feminism, unshaved armpits, bra-burning, and the cracks in the Glass Ceiling. It is scathing and unrepentant. It is the TRUE equality because it treats women exactly the same, without regard for feelings or mercy.

Read at your own pleasure, leisure, and risk.

10 footnotes:

zenda said...

Treats women exactly the same as what?

Zek J Evets said...

exactly the same as other people - AKA men.

Curtis Jackson said...

Who cares.

zenda said...

But dear, chauvinism doesn't exercise equality, it does superiority.

Zek J Evets said...

i disagree. i think it exercises equality by the fact that it holds such impossibly prejudiced opinions that it doesn't allow for fuckups or second-rate attempts.

don't get me wrong, it IS horrible and judgmental.

however, the whole point of these books is to present another side of the argument - and they make some convincing ones - so that we can have a holistic view of things, instead of slipping into dogma and convention (which is part of what caused gender inequality in the first place).

zenda said...

You are saying that by holding woman to a standard that doesn't allow for 'fuck-ups or second rate attempts' it encourages women to aspire to be equal with men.

That implies men are without such flaws.

My friend, this is a ridiculous argument.

Zek J Evets said...

it IS little ridiculous, isn't it?

but i don't mean that men are "without such flaws", which is a reducto ad absurdum of my argument.

no, the point is that men have a higher standard held to them than women (by virtue of their opression of women as well as their prowess in all fields of mankind's development), thus creating pressure for them to minimize their mistakes, or make none at all.

this new brand of chauvinism that i've been seeing in books, like those in my post, counter established feminist theory that women can do whatever men can do, as good or better, by ridiculing their misfortunes in the selfsame manner that men have been getting for centuries.

avoiding embarrassment is a powerful motivator.

also, the whole hilarity of these points of view encourage fresh, less closed-minded ideas about gender equality and gender dynamics.

i think you might be taking it too seriously, and not realizing that these books are true satire designed to make you laugh and THINK, not make you agree with it.

(i know - so subversive.)

zenda said...

ha,ha. No, I'm not taking it too seriously, worry not.

Oh Captain, My Captain. said...

These sound awfully humorous!

I'm tired of women trying to fight for equality by degrading men. It's time we all realize we're all a little fucked up.

On that note,
MEN treat these books like bibles and refer back to them whenever you're with your boys or when women treat you like shit.

& LADIES, read these books, soak up some knowledge on the deficiencies of the male brain, and fuck with their heads.

Zek J Evets said...

@zenda: whew, okay! good to know, because for a second there i was worried.

@ohcaptain: true. i read these kinds of books and reluctantly find myself agreeing with them from time to time. they DO have a point when it comes to womanity carte-blanche.

as for fucking with our heads, i think that's a little redundant because don't ya'll do that anyways?

you can play harder all you want, but i come with the quickness, haha.