Monday, January 4, 2010

Emotive Reflection

Anger is an emotion I don't have time for.

It seems I've been angry most of my life. Angry about school, kids picking on me, parent's divorce, family deaths, abuses, lies, cheating, thievery, forced medicated, financial difficulties, and romantic impotence... I've hated with such intensity, my whole body burned like a sun, and in the end all that was consumed was me.

The lost summers of my childhood seem even smaller than they really were nowadays, where, for a time, I wasn't pissed off at the world.

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In this life, there's so much that's fucked-up, it's hard not to get mad about some of it. But what does that accomplish? What does the rage and hate and violence of a person's heart do to stop the cycle of it all? Even the small things, the bumps through the hall, or cuts in line aren't worth getting upset over.

Take things on the shoulder in stride! Be the chillax you wish to max in the world. There's so much more to living than wallowing in petty emotions which only cripple this beautiful existence.

I try to put a smile on my face every day -- and even when I fail, there always seems to be something that makes me crack the corners of my lips, twitch 'em up and flash teeth. Something in the air... a building, a tree... people walking together... a particularly delicious dinner... the strange coincidences and connections between strangers I meet... a quote, "One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words." -- Wilhelm Meister's Apprenticeship, by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

Basically: Life.

Through the course of suffering I have learned these things the hard way. You have to appreciate what you've got, not what you wish you had. And if you're not getting what you want, then stop complaining, stop wishing, and go get it! And if it isn't there then find it. And if it can't be found then create it. (Being stubborn is not a fault it is a virtue when you want to live the way you want to.)

Sure, there's going to bad, and it'll often enough be mixed in with the good, but that doesn't mean it isn't still worth taking! "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty the ocean does not become dirty." -- Mohandas Gandhi. And maybe it's more than a few drops. Maybe it's gallons and gallons, millions of them. Maybe the world is a screaming mess of blood, shit, and piss, but there's still some goddamn good in it. You can't let what's wrong overshadow what's right. You can't let yourself get lost in the evil that men do, and forget how beautiful it is to be alive!

Some people rage against injustice and do precisely this. Some people spew virulence and hatred like a sewer-pipe, losing themselves in the very harm they originally condemned. Some people focus so much on the fucked-upedness they lose sight, for a time for a while, maybe even for the rest of their life. They lose sight of happiness because they're too busy obsessing with despair in the world. They see the blackened tree and mistake it for the forest's verdant green.

So, like I said, anger is an emotion I don't have time for. There's no use getting angry when I'm so busy just being alive.

3 footnotes:

Sarah Alaoui said...

this could also go with my resolution of leaving cynicism behind and being a little more faithful in people and life

good post

Jeff said...

AS Iread this i felt as if you were speaking for me. Well put bro!

Zek J Evets said...

@sarah: thanks! yes, leaving cynicism behind is a big first step.

@jeff: yeah? i'm glad you like the post! thanks!