Saturday, December 20, 2008

Another traveler, troubadour I am

Going home is always an experience. Maybe it's just the awkwardness of reunions, or my own feelings of being suddenly a stranger in a strange land. There was a time when I could claim a native's arrogance as my own. It was nice, in a way, to be so well-connected. But home isn't home anymore - it's just the place I grew up. And I'm not trying to be glib or dismissive; I'm just honestly realizing. I'm a year+ past and this distance has become more than just time. This distance has formed a part of the shape of my self... and I kind of like who I am.

The drive is going to be very interesting. Being alone in the car has a way of bringing out the madness inside. You've got miles & miles of road with no one but yourself. I've had some REALLY intense conversations with me; and I've come to notice that you're never lonely with a split-personality. Also, the music, listening to my ENTIRE playlists, instead of just the songs I really like. In a way, having nothing to do but drive makes you really listen to the music. You hear songs you've listened to a thousand times in totally new ways. And artists who I always felt were lackluster suddenly come off fantastic. It's the strangest thing. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'd understand things better if I only took more time to reflect... but I'm no good at that. I've gotta be forced to pause, because when people call me "impulsive" it's just a nice way of saying I don't think much before I speak or act. Other suitable synonyms would be: rash, reckless, thoughtless, and impetuous.

As for me, I've always liked adventurous.

Anyhoo, I'll enjoy the drive, because I enjoy driving. I get caught up in it. Something to do with headlights, brakelights, regular intervals and roadside diners. Give me music and gas and some X on the map and I'll get there or die trying. (No jynx please!) The best part of going from one place to another is to see what's in-between. Forget the old adage that Life is about the journey, not the destination blah-blah-blah... Life is about the things that happen while we're busy making other plans. And there's nothing more true about that than when you're trying to get somewhere, and find yourself someplace else. We can arrive where we started, where we couldn't get to before, and sometimes, even where we never expected to find ourselves. Long drives have a way of proving this. Long drives have a way of taking you out like the waves of the ocean. You start perfectly secure in your position, and before you know it, you're drifting in some stretch of space that you don't recognize and can't figure out how you even ended up there in the first place. Traveling has a way of kidnapping us - but that's a good thing.

Okay... right now it's late. I have to get up early so I can beat traffic. I'll enjoy this last sleep in my adopted city, fogged-up and silly as she is. And here's looking at you Orange County. I'll be seeing ya soon.

(But only for a little while.)

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