Sunday, November 9, 2008

Okay, am I taking this too seriously?

I know I'm not a "professional" writer. Hell, I'm not even a very good writer. The closest I've ever come is ghost-writing cheap childhood memoirs for rich/bored/egotistical Newport Beach suburbanites. My own college's undergraduate journal wouldn't print my stuff if I covered it in gold and chocolates. (Which would actually make sense, since I don't think they'd go very well together...messy, y'know.)

I work at a music studio. I go to school. I play waaay too many video games. But I don't call myself any of those things - at least, not seriously. I'm a writer. It's how I define myself. I am the subject-verb-agreement. I enact the action. I fucking write!

Question: do I take it all too seriously? I mean, people call me and say, "what are you doing?" And I say, "working." What I mean there is that I'm writing. I am trying to turn a piece of crap rough draft into something moderately tolerable, or possibly decent & publishable. But I'm not really working. I definitely don't get paid for this. In fact, half the time when I'm "writing" I'm staring at the pages on the screen wondering, "is this shit?"

The other half I'm fucking around on the internet.

So, should I stop pretending that this something serious? It really isn't. Don't get me wrong, I love writing. But I don't honestly think my writing will ever get anywhere or do anything, for anyone...least of all me.

Still, I'm a writer! Every day since I was fourteen I have written SOMETHING. Maybe it was just a sentence, or half a line. Maybe it was ten pages or a bunch of poems. Maybe it was the outline for a novel-idea. Maybe it was the next great piece of American literature! Or maybe not.

So when I say I'm working, or writing or whatever! Don't scoff at me. Don't snort. Don't act like somehow I'm not actually BUSY. Fuck off with you! I'll talk, chat, gossip, shoot the shit, or just enjoy some silence. But if you're going to act like I'm not doing something that's important to me, well...I dunno. But I'll think of something!

I really am trying to do this. It's my honest-to-gawd dream. What I've wanted to be since I learned how to read. (Minus a short stint at thirteen when I wanted to be an astronaut.) It's the only thing I can do when I can't do anything. And maybe it's stupid, and I'm not very good at it, or likely to make a living with it, but to me, this is all of me.

Oh fuck it. Make fun of me. Go ahead. Scoff, snort, mock and interrupt. It's all a big whatever anyways.

***Bonus Material***

Best writing advice I've ever gotten: "apply ass to chair."

Thank you, Conrad Knickerbocker.

4 footnotes:

Lex said...

Okay well something that someone once told me when it comes to writing, "It doesn't matter if no one reads it or doesn't like it, the most important thing is that it gets written." Now my personal opinion on your writing, it's good. Not great or spectacular. I doubt you're going to win any awards on some of the things you've posted on here, but hey it's writing to purge your mind not to amuse the masses. So I don't think you should be expecting any awards or be disappointed that you probably won't be getting any for your blog.
Another thing, I'd rather read what you write with your "filter" turned off than listen to what a lot of people have to say. Most of what people write about is just bitching to be bitching or opinions that have no real reason or sense behind them. You bitch about stuff that sometimes has substance behind it, and even when it's stupid stuff it's hilarious to read about. So who cares what people say or think about you "working", there's worse stuff you could be doing with your time.

Lex said...

P.S. I like that you write with a command of the english language (i.e spelling, grammer). Not a lot of people do or can do that these days, it says a lot.

Zek J Evets said...

wow...umm...thanks, lex. no, really, i appreciate it.

now if only you were a major publisher or something, THEN we'd be talking.

Andruba said...

i like the stewie picture. its great.