Saturday, September 13, 2008

Are you moving on or just plain moving?

Today has been one of those days where I do nothing and love it. I woke up at nine o'clock and went back to sleep. Woke back up at eleven and just began to write. This is officially my most productive day EVER. I edited over twenty poems, wrote outlines for three new stories, read a book, and watched two movies I've been meaning to see. If you've been following this blog you'll also note my two posts for today - this one and that one. I guess that isn't really doing nothing...I only say that because I basically haven't gotten out of bed. Didn't shower or shave, still wearing my PJs.

But that's not the intent for this post. I was looking at some inane Yahoo news article. (That website is SO skewed towards a female audience.) The article was about how to "let go of your past" so you could, conceivably, have better relationships in the future. Okay, that just annoys me.

You cannot "let go" of your past. You can't seperate it from you anymore than you can seperate your right arm from your left arm. There is no "letting go", no "moving on" or "getting over it". Your past is part of the foundation that makes up You. You're persona depends upon the culimnation of experiences you've had; it's what gives you a personality, kids.

When someone talks about dealing with personal problems they always seem to forget that life is not simple or easy. You can't forget the tragedies or successes because they're a part of you. Aside from amnesia, you're stuck with them. Or that is to say, they're stuck to you. Pulling them off will only result in ripping yourself, pain & agony that ultimately accomplishes nothing but your own bloodshed.

I think that what you need to do is embrace. Accept it. Understand, comprehend, and fucking live with yourself. Did your parents abuse you as a kid? Okay, accept that they were shitty and that you came from them. Accept that you've got to live with those memories; let them give you strength to never make those mistakes and be a better person. Did someone die who was close to you? Okay, fine then. Treasure the times you can remember. Hold those memories closer because they are all that's left of the person you loved. Take consolation that by honoring them, internally or externally, you keep them alive in a way that transcends mortality. You've given them a life beyond themself that shows the depth of your friendship/relationship.

This isn't simple, and it isn't exactly rocket-science. I can talk about it, but only by doing will you know what I mean. Be the person you want to be by BEING them. Be the change you wish to see in yourself. (And in the world, too, if you want.) I know all this sounds like are beautiful sentiments, but they're a deep aspect of how I survive when it feels like somethings should have killed me. Depression, death, regret, heart-break, and despair are some badasses, but they're not invincible. The fact that shit is still here should be proof enough of that.

And fuck any pop-infused psycho-babble that only wants you to buy the latest hair-care products or new cologne, because they'll help you "embrace a new dating vocabulary" or some shit. I don't need a commercial to make me happy - I need to live.

Gives a whole new meaing to the term "emo-bag."

1 footnotes:

Lex said...

Okay, I agree with most of what you say. For most people, living with your past and accepting is the way to go. For others it's not. We all deal with and handle life the way that's the best according to our own individual abilities. Some people do better by the "forgetting" or "letting go" way. For others, no.