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Thursday, August 7, 2008

Is this really my life?


I don't usually post up other people's messages to me, but in this case I must needs make an exception. Here's the start:

"Hi honey! I advise you to surrender imediately or I'll have to use a pick up line.

My mother read your profile page and is interested in dating you. Sorry, she's not into one night stands.

She's tired of the bar scene and would like to meet someone straightforward, not a player. She also wants to meet someone in order to share new things. She'd try anything once! I think you'll like her a lot. She's outgoing and gorgeous. Don't trust me, ask her for a pic.

I hope you'll respond! Just please don't reply directly to this message, this is my account and I don't want to see anything that will scar me for life ;-) Instead, send your reply to her mail address at [blanked out for legal reasons]

Thank you!"

I got this one on myspace. Now, I know what you're thinking: total fucking scam. Right? Well I e-mailed her "mom" anyways, and, if you can believe it, got a response! Here it is:

"Hello ! So how are things? I cant believe you actually you wrote back! LoL I wasn't sure if you would be into it but I am glad I did now ;) I'm [blank] btw.

So here's my story... I'm forty something and I am the mother of 2 girls. One is in her 20's and the other late teens. They are the light of my life, all three of us are best friends! Sometimes I get in trouble though, they both get pissed at me cause sometimes guys that they bring home end up flirting with me. Actually they have gotten used to it and just laugh about it now. Many times they will warn their boyfriend that I am a "MILF" lol.. what a funny phrase that is.

Anyways I have been single for some time now and I've decided (ok, ok my daughters are kinda pushing me into it too lol) to go out and look for some boy toys (and hopefully come up with a real man eventually). lol. Sounds so nice to say it. I was in a miserable relationship for way too long, and now it is my turn to have some fun. I figure, I am still young and have alot to offer!

I have my page my youngest helped me make that you can check out so that you can decide if I am 'MILF' enough for you (LOL). [A link to her website that I took out for obvious legal reasons] I had a blast taking those pics, and believe it or not, some of them were taken from my oldest. Like I said she is in-cahoots with me in my quest. I guess her point is to get my attention away from her boyfriends, so shes trying to get me to meet my own. :)

Well, let me know what you think. I am a very busy but when I do get a chance to have a good time, it really turns out being a "GOOD TIME!".

So take care, and hope to hear from you soon...

[blank] "No one can be" [blank]"

Can you say WHATTHEFUCK? I wish I could give you her name so that the nickname she used makes sense, but I don't want to get in trouble someday. The website link she sent me has a bunch of photos of her, mostly naked and playing with herself. AND SHE SAYS THAT SHE HAD HER DAUGHTER TAKE SOME OF THEM. I mean, geebus p cryst - that's one way to get some mother-daughter bonding, I guess.

Obviously I'm totally going to take advantage of this. Every guy in the universe has wanted a hot older woman to take an interest in him and give him the best experience for sex you could ask for. Seriously, it's like being picked to study under a master in martial-arts - or something like that.

But the big question tossing around in my head is: is this really my life? How the fuck do random things like this keep happening to me? I mean, I can remember the days/weeks/months/even years of sitting at home playing video games, reading trashy fantasy novels, and watching soft-core porn on cinemax.

This is only one of a long series of too-random things going on with me right now. I mean, the Stripper, open-mic fan fanatics, not-yet-gone memories of me and Miss So&So, working with models for the book, the studio-gigs, writing late in to the night, and whole of host of small, hilarious, and sometimes forgetable interactions.

I should start bringing my recording device with me more often, because this shit is starting to get priceless.

2 footnotes:

Mary said...

but, steve, what if she's a succubus?!

Alexandra said...

LMAO!!! Ahahaha I'm sorry... I can't help but laugh at you in this predicament. LOL...still laughing.

You should look on the bright side...someone thinks you're hot enough to be a boy toy. Now if she has cataracts that's another story...shh we'll say she had 20/20 vision. I'm sure most people won't even bother to ask for that detail. Jk but yeah...there are some sick and twisted people out there. Who knew?